Beneath The Mountain
by DieselBusters
Summary: After an accidental fall, Jack finds himself in the domain of the monsters. However, he doesn't have to find his way out alone.
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: Contains spoilers for RDR and Undertale obviously.**

* * *

 ** _Beneath the Mountain_**

 ** _Chapter 1: An Average Hunting Trip_**

* * *

It'd been a few months since I'd watched Edgar Ross's body hit the ground.

Life had returned to normal, or at least something resembling it.

I'd been pretty busy since then, making a couple of renovations and retrofits to my father's ranch and even buying an automobile.

Although I took good care of the ranch and kept it in shape, I dreaded being there. Ever since mama passed on, it never felt the same. Instead of feeling warm and homey like it used to, it just felt cold and empty, devoid of life and joy.

I kept myself out of trouble, making money off of the ranch, doing a few odd jobs here and there, and hunting. I did a lot of hunting in those days. Kept me occupied, gave me some extra money, and kept my mind off of the perpetual loneliness that now permeated my life.

It started out just as any other hunting trip. I got up, mounted my horse, and rode off before sunup. I was headed toward this possible new hunting spot only a few clicks north of Cochinay, a particular mountain known as Mount Ebott.

Most people wouldn't set foot anywhere near that place because of all the legends and old wive's tales surrounding it. Since everybody was too scared to hunt near it, I figured there must've been plenty of big game for the taking up there.

I rode my horse down the trail through the tall trees. Not before too long, the thumping of hooves on dirt became the crunching of freshly fallen snow, and the already chilly October air grew considerably colder. Pulling my scarf over my face, I made sure my coat was belted up as I rode through the snow while keeping a lookout for any bears, wolves, or mountain lions.

The light of morning began to pierce the neverending dark of night and soon enough, golden rays of sunshine began to peer through the trees, illuminating the distant mountain.

I'd heard all sorts of stories and tall tales about Mt. Ebott ever since I was a kid. The common theme through all these was anybody who climbed the mountain never came back. The reason why they never returned is what those stories tried to explain. The one that made most sense was that they simply perished from the cold or were killed by wild animals, but they just got crazier. Ranging from a gang hideout, to the mountain being haunted, and even a tribe of cannibalistic Indians inhabiting the area around the mountain.

The craziest one I'd heard by far was told to me by some old codger while sitting around a campfire one night. He told of some ancient race of monstrous creatures that had been banished and sealed under the mountain centuries ago, and anyone unlucky enough to end up in their domain would be torn apart and eaten by the hordes of monstrosities that now dwelled beneath the mountain.

Of course, I disregarded those stories as fiction and I rode closer and closer, my mind focused more on the elk and deer that were probably up there instead of a bunch of old tall tales made to scare children. Hell, maybe I could've even tagged a bear since they were known to prowl around that area, they paid mighty handsomely for a good quality bear pelt at Manzanita Post.

I rode by the long-destroyed gates of Cochinay, cascaded around the mountains, and before I knew it, I had arrived. As expected, it was too snowy and steep for my horse, so I dismounted and grabbed my rifle and the gear I needed. After hitching my horse to an old tree and making sure it was in a safe place, I began my trek up the mountain.

After about an hour or so of climbing and trying to keep myself from freezing to death, I got to a small plateau that looked like a great place to take a break and set up camp. I sat down and looked at the early morning sun from my spot, deciding to rest my feet for a little while.

I stayed there for a moment, watching the sunrise and drinking some coffee I had stored in a flask to warm up. Satisfied, I got up and looked around, noting how the plateau would serve as the perfect vantage point, when suddenly, something caught my eye. I had my back turned to it and just now noticed what seemed to be a cave. Curious, I walked up to it, my rifle drawn just in case a bear was inside waiting to greet me. Luckily there was no bear. Actually, there wasn't even a cave, but a large rocky maw with a pit in the middle that led straight into the earth. Stupidly, I got closer and looked down inside the pit.

Darkness.

All I saw was darkness.

I didn't know how deep it went, but I guessed that if I fell, I wouldn't be getting back up.

Suddenly, I remembered the story that old man told me and began to imagine hungry hordes of ghastly horrors just below the veil of darkness, waiting for me to slip and fall so I could wind up as their next meal.

I shuddered at this thought and stepped away a little too quickly, the sudden movement must've disturbed the ground or something because the next thing I heard was a _crack crack crackle_ from under my feet.

"Oh goddam-" was all I got out before the ground gave out from under me and I plummeted into the darkness.

* * *

To this day, I still wonder exactly why I fell. Well yeah, I fell because I got too close to that pit and disturbed the ground, but that's not what I'm talking about. I mean _why_ did I fall? Was it simply just dumb luck, an idiotic move on my part, or was it fate? Some prophetical path chosen for me by some higher power beyond my control. I guess it doesn't really matter, but still, considering the events that followed and the impact it had, well I can't help but wonder.

I don't remember the fall down, and I don't remember landing. I must've blacked out during the fall, because the only thing I remember was waking up. No, getting _woken up_. It was a faint voice that slowly grew louder _"Mister... Wake up.. Please..."_ The voice sounded worried and frantic, and I felt that somebody was shaking me. _"Please mister, Wake up!"_

I obeyed.

I opened my eyes and sat up, making some sort of groan that would've been funny if it weren't for the circumstances. Examining my surroundings, I discovered I was in a cave, on a bed of some kind of golden flowers, my hat was missing and so was my rifle.

I felt for my sidearm and to my relief, it was still in it's holster. I looked up, seeing rays of light coming from the hole I had fallen from. I wasn't exactly sure how far I'd fallen, but I knew for certain that I should not have survived that fall, much less without any noticeable injuries.

 _How the hell am I not dead?_ I examined one of the strange golden flowers that I now found myself sitting on. The flowers themselves were a kind I'd never seen before. They looked like a cross between a golden currant and a prairie poppy, yet somehow still different. I wondered if these flowers had somehow broken my fall, but the idea that a patch of flowers broke a fall like that didn't exactly resonate with me.

Suddenly I remembered the voice that woke me up, and I turned to the side I remember hearing it come from.

It was... a kid.

That's right, just a kid. She looked about 10 or so, and had a mop of brown hair, some sort of purple striped sweater, and a fading look of worry and relief plastered on her face.

"Thank god... I thought you were..." She said in between breaths.

I wanted to address the kid, assure her I was fine, but my mind drew blanks. Instead, almost automatically, I asked "Where... Where am I?"

"I don't know... I fell down a hole in the mountainside and only a few seconds after I landed you fell too, but... you wouldn't wake up."

 _What the hell?_ I thought. _I was sitting on that plateau for at least a good 30 minutes, how did I not see or hear her?_

Whatever, it didn't matter. We were both stuck in a cave and we had to find a way out.

"Well, I'm up now." I said in a humorous but reassuring tone, which calmer her down considerably.

I got to my feet, making sure nothing was dislocated or broken, and outstretched my hand. The kid took it and I pulled her to her feet.

"Thank you, uhh... What's your name, mister?" The kid asked.

"Jack. Jack Marston."

"I'm Frisk... Just Frisk. It's good to meet you."

"Likewise." I said while wondering who the hell names their child Frisk.

"So... How are we going to get out of here?"

I looked up at the hole we both fell through. "Well, unless one of us can fly, I don't think we'll be going that way."

"I guess we'll have to move forward then." She said, looking towards a path I hadn't noticed until now.

"Seems promising enough. Come on, let's get out of here." I began walking towards the pathway, waiting for her to catch up.

"Wait." She came up to me, holding the hat that had once belonged to my father. "I think you'll be needing this."

I realized that out of all things, I forgot to look for my hat. I took the hat and placed it on my head, thanking her in the process. She responded with a wide toothy grin that made me chuckle a bit, which slightly loosened the tension of being trapped in a cave under a remote mountain.

My rifle was still nowhere to be found, but I had neither the time nor patience to look for it. _The fall probably damaged it anyway_ I thought. My sidearm would have to do for now.

I began walking down the corridor, my new compadre at my side. It was eerily quiet, save for our footsteps and the familiar jingle of my spurs, which reverberated off of the low, rocky ceiling. The corridor ended at this ornately carved ancient-looking archway with columns and a strange crest at the top that seemed to be carved into the rock itself.

The best way I can describe it was a circle with a couple of wings beside it positioned over three triangles, the one in the middle upside down. A thousand questions that could not be answered flooded into my mind concerning this strange, clearly manmade arch, but I knew one thing for certain.

We weren't the first ones down here.

The kid and I looked at each other.

"After you." she said.

Reluctantly, I walked through the archway and was greeted with darkness, only broken by a sliver of light that shined down on a circular patch of grass and a... flower?

No, this wasn't any normal flower, the thing had a face. A cartoonish looking smiling face in it's center. And if that wasn't unsettling enough, it _spoke._

"Howdy!" it said, speaking in some high-pitched bastardization of what I assumed was supposed to be a southern accent. "I'm Flowey! Flowey the flower!"

 _What the hell._ There aren't enough words in the English language to described how jarred and confused I was at that very moment.

I looked to the kid and to my horror, I could tell she was seeing exactly what I was.

 _So I'm not hallucinating. Great._

"Hmm... You're new to the underground, aren'tcha?"

I guess the flower must've been waiting for a reply, but my mind wasn't in the position to even muster one.

The flower continued anyway. "Golly! You must be so confused. Somebody oughta teach you how things work down here."

I was understandably very put off by this flower... thing. Ignoring the fact that it was a fucking talking flower, I knew something was up. Didn't take a detective to figure out that its cutesy and friendly demeanor was nothing more than a facade. Question was, what _were_ it's true intentions? Whatever they were, I was pretty sure they weren't good. I made sure my hand was close to my sidearm and let the flower continue his spiel.

"I guess little 'ol me will have to do. Ready?"

 _For what._ I almost asked.

"Here we go!"

I began to feel this intense tugging sensation coming from my chest and everything suddenly went black, aside from two glowing heart-shaped objects in front of us.

"See those hearts? Those are your SOULs, the very culmination of your being."

I tried moving mine around, and the bright yellow one responded. _Must be mine._ The other heart was colored a deep shade of crimson, which I assumed belonged to the kid.

 _Great, so souls are apparently real now. Anything else I need to know, flowerboy?_

Almost as if answering my question, "Your SOULs start off weak, but they can grow strong if you gain a lot of LV. What does LV stand for you may ask? Why LOVE of course! Hmm... I see you already have some LV, don'tcha mister?"

 _Huh?_

"But, I think a little bit extra wouldn't hurt. Here, you can have some of mine!"

I finally spoke up. "Yeah, I appreciate the offer flowerboy, but I think we'll be fine without any of your... "love"". I noticed a pang of frustration in it's unnatural face, that threatened to break through that mask of friendliness.

"Nonsense buddy! Here, have some!" Before I could protest, these white seed-looking things appeared above it. "Down here, LOVE is shared through these... Little white... "Friendliness pellets!" Saying the last phrase like it'd just discovered how to make a pig fly. "Are you ready?" Suddenly, the "friendliness pellets" began flying towards us. "Move around! Catch as many as you can!"

The kid and I glanced at each other, seemingly having the mutual idea to avoid it's "friendliness pellets". The pellets began to gather in our direction and we both took a step to the side, dodging them.

It's face morphed into a slightly annoyed look. "Hey buddy, don't you know it's rude to reject a gift? Lets try again, okay?"

More pellets sailed toward us and we repeated the action.

The flower became increasingly frustrated and angered by this. "Stop being such hardasses already. RUN. INTO. THE. BUL- _ahem_ Friendliness pellets!"

By now, It was blatantly obvious that this thing was trying to kill us. More of those bullets sailed towards us and again, we dodged them.

The flower's mask of friendliness and faux cute voice were completely gone now. Replaced with a twisted, evil grin and a gravely, demonic voice.

 _ **"Heh. You know what's going on here, don't you?"**_

* * *

For Toriel, it was just an average day. After picking up a few odds and ends, she went along her usual walk through the ruins, checking to see if another child had fallen.

It had been some time since the last child fell. Toriel wasn't sure exactly how long it had been, as it had never been easy to tell time in the underground to begin with. Of course, being god-knows-how-many centuries old didn't exactly help with her perception of time either.

She was on her way towards the end of the ruins when suddenly a loud _**BANG**_ came from the direction she was heading in.

Confused, she halted and listened. "What in the worl-" she said before being interrupted by another _**BANG**_.

Toriel quickened her pace, soon enough she was running and passed through the the entrance to the ruins, arriving at the archway leading to the first room.

"Is he gone?" asked a soft, high-pitched voice, clearly a child's. "Looks like it, hopefully he'll stay gone." said the gruff, deeper voice of a man with a slight western twang. Curious, Toriel poked her head inside and was shocked at what she saw.

 _Two_ humans.

Like the others before, the first one was a child. The second one however, was different. He was a scruffy-looking young man, the likes of whom had never entered the underground before, at least as far as she knew.

Though judging by his attire, the gun he was holding, and even the faint yellow glow of his SOUL, he almost reminded her of...

 _One she could not save..._

 _One that did not listen..._

 _One she allowed to die..._

For a moment, she almost thought that he _was_ that last human that had fallen so long ago. But in her heart she knew better, that he'd fallen to Asgore's trident like the others before.

She wasn't sure what had them spooked, but whatever it was appeared to be gone.

She decided that now would be a good time to introduce herself and making a move, she hesitantly moved forward, walking through the archway and preparing to make a first impression to the newly-fallen humans.

Before she could open her mouth however, she heard a tiny _gasp_ coming from the child, and in less than a second, she found herself staring down the barrel of a gun.

* * *

For the record, trying to shoot a flower isn't easy.

Especially when it's some weird demon flower that can move on it's own.

My dead eye wasn't working either, I guess the fall must've messed it up somehow.

As soon as that flower dropped the whole best friend act and showed it's true face, I drew my sidearm and fired. Of course I missed it, hitting the ground in front of it instead, however it seemed to catch the flower off guard.

"Hey! what the-" It yelped in surprise.

Taking my chance, I chambered another round and fired, unfortunately missing again.

"Ah, screw this!" the flower yelled, clearly spooked. The flower hightailed it, retreating into the ground while the two little hearts retreated back into us.

"Hey kid, you alright?" I asked, checking on her. From the looks of it she was a little shaken up, but other than that she seemed to be fine.

"Yeah, I'm fine. My ears are ringing though." she replied.

I couldn't blame her, mine were too. Firing a gun is loud enough, but when you're in a small cave like this, it's considerably worse.

I patted her on the head. "Mine are too. Don't worry, it'll go away in a minute."

The kid looked around and said "Is he gone now?"

"Looks like it. Hopefully he'll stay gone."

We both stayed silent for about a minute, both making sure we were alright, as well as processing the fact that a talking flower just tried to kill us.

I began hearing what sounded like muffled footsteps coming from behind. _Great. We're not alone_ I thought. This was confirmed a couple of seconds later when I heard the kid gasp.

I wheeled around with my sidearm drawn, preparing to shoot whoever or whatever had entered the room. To my horror, my eyes were met with... well, a monster.

It was a tall bipedal goat creature, with these large floppy ears, deep rust-red eyes, and a purple robe with the same crest as was on the arch. The old coot's story flooded back into my mind. Only this time it wasn't just some old tall tale anymore, the thing that stood before us was proof enough that it was real.

"You stay the hell back!" I warned, tightening my grip on the pistol and making sure the kid was behind me. "I ain't gonna let you hurt us."

"My child, please, I do not intend to harm any of you. Please, just... lower your weapon. Lets talk." The monstrosity pleaded.

Admittedly I did lower my weapon, if not out of shock. I'd expected her voice to be a bit more... fearsome. Instead, she spoke in a soft, motherly voice that sounded more akin to a grandmother baking a cherry pie on a sunday afternoon. Hell, for all I knew this could've been a farce. A clever disguise intended to get me to let my guard down. But, I guess that wasn't the case.

After holstering my sidearm, we just stood there for a while before the monster broke the silence.

"I believe we have gotten off the wrong foot. Here, allow me to introduce myself. I am Toriel, caretaker of the ruins. I pass through here every day to see if anyone has fallen."

I guess I must've felt obligated to introduce myself in return, because that's just what I did. "Jack. Jack Marston."

The kid came out from behind me and Toriel knelt down to her level. "Ah, do not be afraid, my child." Offering a furred hand to the kid. "And what is your name, little one?"

She hesitated for a moment before finally taking her hand and saying "Frisk. My name is Frisk."

"Ah, that is a lovely name, my child." Toriel tousled the kid's hair, causing her to giggle, which put me more at ease. She stood up, and turned to address us.

"You two are the first humans to have come here in a very long time." She then looked directly at me. "And you. I believe you are the first human of your age to have ever fallen down here."

"I feel honored." I replied, intending to be a sarcastic remark, but just coming out dry.

Nevertheless, Toriel smiled a warm loving smile that only a mother can give. Something I hadn't seen in what felt like ages.

"I believe it is time for me to show you two around. Come! I will guide you through the catacombs."

She beckoned for us to follow and began walking the way she came, going through a stone archway reminiscent of the one we had passed through earlier.

"Are we really going to follow her?" I asked.

"I don't think we have much of a choice." The kid replied.

As much as I didn't want to admit it, she was right. Only chance we had of getting out of whatever the hell kind of Alice in Wonderland place we were in was by following her.

I began making my way forward, the kid right behind me.

After going through the familiar arch, I was greeted with a sight that I didn't expect. We were at the entrance of some ancient-looking subterranean city built out of some kind of purple brick. Even had an ornately carved grand staircase at the front. Around the stairs were these little red things, I picked one up and crushed it in my hand.

 _A leaf?_

I was confounded by this because there wasn't a tree in sight. The kid was less distracted than I was, staying behind Toriel and only pausing at the pile of leaves between the stairs to reach up and touch something that either I couldn't see, or wasn't there to begin with.

"Frisk, what are you doing?"

"I'm saving our progress."

"Saving our prog- the hell are you talking about?"

"This yellow glowing star thing, don't you see it?"

"Kid, the only thing I see is air."

"Hmm..."

"Nevermind. Come on, let's go catch up."

She nodded and we both walked up the staircase and into a room at the top where Toriel was waiting.

"Welcome to your new home. Allow me to educate you in the operation of the Ruins."

 _New home? I don't like where this is going_ , I thought. But I kept my apprehensions at bay, and just watched whatever Toriel was up to.

She walked across some circular pressure plates on the right side of the room and pulled a lever on the wall, causing the door behind her to open.

"The Ruins are full of puzzles, ancient fusions between diversion and doorkey. One must solve them in order to move from room to room. Please adjust yourselves to the sight of them."

 _Wacky doorkeys, got it._

She walked ahead through the door and I followed, pausing to read a sign on the left.

 **Only the fearless may proceed. Brave ones, foolish ones. Both walk not in the middle road.**

I jokingly thought that I must've been the latter as I walked into the next room where Toriel was waiting to explain the next puzzle.

"To make progress here, you will need to trigger several switches. Worry not, for I have labeled the ones that you will need to flip."

She walked to the end of the corridor where the door was blocked by spikes. Frisk read a sign that was in front of us, and I looked at it as well.

 **Press [z] to read signs!**

 _O-kay?_ I walked over to another sign, this one being a carved stone sign that was planted into the wall itself.

 **Stay on the path.**

"Well fuck you too, buddy." I muttered under my breath, low enough for the kid to not hear.

The kid and I began walking towards the end, where Toriel waited expectantly. There were a few switches along the wall, two of which had yellow arrows marked around them.

"Jack?" the kid called out.

"Yeah?"

"I'll get the switch closest to us, you get that one near the door."

"You got it boss." I replied jokingly.

I went over to the switch with the yellow arrows marked around it, and read the note marked by the switch.

 **Please press this switch too. -Toriel**

"Alright, ready?" I said. The kid placed her hand on the switch and nodded. We both flipped them simultaneously and a large _**THUNK!**_ could be heard.

"Splendid!" Toriel said. "I am proud of you both. Let us move to the next room."

Toriel walked over the now retracted spikes and headed into the next room, as the kid caught up, I tried out the switch next to it for curiosity sakes, but it was stuck in place, if it ever worked to begin with. The kid caught up and we both went into the next room, this one was smaller than the others and was empty, save for what looked to be a homemade dummy.

"As humans living in the underground, monsters may attack you. You will need to be prepared for this situation."

"Don't worry, I already am." I said while pulling back my coat, showing my holstered gun and sheathed bowie knife.

"Ah, I see you are." She said, with a slightly nervous tone. "But, there are other, less violent ways to resolve a conflict."

"Really now? Enlighten me."

"The process is simple, just strike up a friendly conversation. Stall them. I will come to resolve the conflict."

"That's it?"

"Yes! Here, try it out on that dummy over there."

I walked over to the dummy.

"Uh... Howdy?" I said.

...

"Nice weather we're having? or... not having," noticing the clear lack of weather.

...

"The dummy doesn't seem to be much for conversation." the kid said matter-of-factly.

"Looks like it." I said, stopping myself from sarcastically replying.

"Here, let me try something." The kid said sporting a mischievous look.

"Sure, go ahead."

The kid picked a stick off of the ground and assumed some sort of fighting stance. She looked like she was fixing to attack it, but just backed off and didn't. She repeated this action several times until the dummy just... rose up and flew away.

Toriel gave the kid probably the most intense "what the hell" expression I'd ever seen in my life, a look of which I shared.

"Anyways, the next room awaits." she said, disregarding what had just happened.

We followed her into the next room and began walking towards a winding corridor.

"There is another puzzle past this room... I wonder if you can solve it..."

We kept on walking, going into the corridor and winding through a bend when suddenly, something hopped right into our path.

"Hold up kid." I said while looking over the monster that resembled a frog. "The hell is that thing?"

"Apparently, it's called a Froggit." the kid replied.

 _I guess now would be a good time to put that method Toriel taught me to test._

Believe me when I say it, thinking of a compliment for some subterranean frog monster isn't exactly the easiest thing. I finally settled on "You're a good jumper, did you know that?"

It seemed to blush a little. "Froggit didn't understand what you said, but was flattered anyway." the kid narrated.

Toriel then came into the picture, and if looks could kill, that Froggit would've been fried frog legs. It hopped away, and we continued on down the corridor until we reached a floor made up of various spikes surrounded by water.

"This is the puzzle, but..." She extended her hand towards the kid. "Here, child. Take my hand for a moment." Toriel took Frisk's hand and began walking towards a certain part of the spikes. "Jack. Please stay close behind us."

I obliged, and followed them into a certain part of the spikes, which began to retract. After maneuvering through the spikes, we made it to the other side of the chamber.

"Puzzles seem to be a little too dangerous for now." She stated as we entered a very long corridor. "You two have done excellently thus far. However... I have a difficult request to ask of you."

The kid and I perked up and listened intently.

"I would like for you to walk to the end of the corridor by yourselves. Forgive me for this."

And just like that, she began walking away at a quick pace. The kid and I looked at eachother and I just shrugged.

So we walked.

And walked.

And walked.

And- Good god, how long was this corridor?

"Hey uh, Jack?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you a cowboy?" the kid asked, a hint of childlike wonder in her voice.

"Cowboy?"

"Yeah! The hat, the gun, the accent, the way you're dressed. You look like a cowboy."

I thought about my response. Actual cowboys hadn't been a thing for years where I came from. Hell, the whole "Wild West" thing like you'd see in the picture shows had been steadily going away since I was a kid. By 1914, it wasn't much more than a distant memory. Still, I didn't want to dash the kid's imagination or anything. Plus I was a rancher, so I guess that counts.

"Yep, you're exactly right. I am a cowboy."

"Awesome, I knew it!" She exclaimed.

Soon enough, we arrived at the end of the corridor where Toriel was waiting for us behind a stone pillar on the left.

"Greetings! Do not worry, I did not leave you. I was merely behind this pillar the whole time. Thank you for trusting me."

I simply nodded in response, the kid mimicked this action as well.

"However, there was an important reason for this exercise. To test your independence. I have some business to attend to, and you two must stay alone for a while. Please remain here, It's too dangerous to explore by yourselves. I have an idea, I will give you a cell phone."

"A what?" I replied

"This." She said, handing me this strange little doohickey. "If you need anything, just call."

 _What the fuck is this thing?_ I wondered, though I decided not to ask.

"Got it" I replied.

"Be good, alright?" and she walked away.

I sat down by the pillar and examined the strange piece of what might as well have been alien technology. The whole thing was made of this silvery, shiny metal. In the bottom center was a little keypad with the same buttons as a rotary phone, but arranged in a rectangular shape. Above it was a little square display that looked like a miniature movie screen but black with some green text on it, and there was an antenna sticking out of the top left that must've been used for picking up whatever the hell it ran on.

Obviously I knew what a telephone was, hell I even had one installed at my house. But this looked nothing like any telephone I'd ever seen before. The telephones I knew were wired and required you to hold a little speaker up to your ear and talk through a horn. This thing however, was much more advanced than any kind of technology I had ever seen, must've been at least 200 years ahead of us.

While messing around with it, I accidentally clicked a button and the phone automatically called someone, no operator or anything.

"This is Toriel." came the familiar voice of our guide from the opposite end.

"Oh... uh, hello."

"You only wanted to say hello? Well then, hello! I hope that will suffice, _hee hee_." *Click*

 _What._

After the incidental call ended, I noticed that Frisk was staring at me with a smirk.

"What?"

"You don't know how to use that, do you?"

I shook my head. "I don't."

"Here, let me hold onto that."

"What, do you know how to use this thing?"

"Yeah, sort of." She said, further alluding to the idea that she apparently didn't come from the same place as I did.

"Alright, knock yourself out." I said, handing her the phone.

The kid pocketed it and we both sat there and waited. After a while, it became increasingly apparent that whatever Toriel was doing, she was taking her sweet time doing so.

"Well. This is boring." I stated flatly.

"Hmm..." The kid mused, looking at the exit. "Wanna go walk around in there?"

"You mean in the dangerous and foreboding ruins that Toriel explicitly told us not to enter by ourselves?"

"That's exactly what I mean."

"Yes."

* * *

 **A/N:** **I've been writing up this fic for a couple of months or so, and with the fairly recent release of Deltarune and RDR 2, I thought it'd be the perfect time to publish it.**

 **If you're following my previous series, Operation Atlantis, and wonder why I haven't updated it in half a year, I apologize for not keeping you informed or anything. I've been making very slow progress on it due to writer's block, plot holes, and just general laziness. I promise I'll try to get the 2nd chapter** **out soon.**

 **Also, one of my biggest inspirations for this story is Psychosis by Swimmingcop. It's a personal favorite of mine and is probably one of the best stories I've ever read. Just a heads up in case you notice any elements or phrasing that may be similar to the aforementioned fic. But yeah, I highly recommend you check it out.**

 **As always, reviews are greatly appreciated as I'm open to improvement.**

 **See you next chapter.**


	2. Chapter 2

**.**

* * *

 _ **Beneath The Mountain**_

 _ **Chapter 2: A Kid and A Cowboy**_

* * *

We began our little trek, entering the room in front of us. Suddenly almost as if on cue, the phone let out a series of electronic beeps resembling the bells of a real telephone.

"Hello?" Frisk answered.

"Hello! This is Toriel. You have not left the room have you?"

"No ma'am."

"Ah, good. There are some puzzles up ahead that I have yet to explain. It would be dangerous to try and solve them yourselves."

"Don't worry about us, we're staying right here." I chimed in.

"Thank you. Be good, alright?"

 _Click_

"That went well." She observed.

"It did" I replied. "Still, doesn't feel right lying to the old lady like that."

"Relax, we'll be gone for 15 minutes tops. It'll be like we were never gone."

"Whatever you say, kid."

We began to venture further in when one of those froggit things hopped up beside us.

"Ribbit ribbit, excuse me humans."

"Yes?"

"I saw how you spared my cousin back there, and It seems that you two are quite merciful, so I'd like to give some advice on fighting monsters."

"Go on."

"If you ACT a certain way or FIGHT until you almost defeat them, they might not want to battle anymore. If a monster does not want to fight you please, use some mercy human, ribbit."

"Will do."

"Thanks for the information, mister."

"Ribbit, you're welcome human, ribbit"

The froggit hopped along his way and we went forward, entering the room on the left which contained nothing but a couple of rushing canals and a bowl of what looked to be candy resting on a pillar. I took a closer look and sure enough, it was a bowl of wrapped hard candies with a note in front of it saying **Take one please.**

"Ooh, is that candy?" The kid asked.

"Looks like it."

"Get me a piece, please."

I tossed one to her and took one for myself. I noticed that the water in the canals looked pretty clean so I rinsed out my flask and filled it, taking a few swigs before refilling and putting the cork stopper back in. After I was finished, I noticed the kid had already left the room, walking outside I found her playing in a pile of leaves.

"Having fun?" I asked while popping the piece of candy into my mouth, noting a pleasant clove-like flavor.

The kid stopped, noticing my presence and gave a slightly embarrassed smile.

"Hey now, you ain't gotta stop having fun because of me. Unless you want to continue this little excursion of yours of course."

She got up and dusted herself off. "No, you're right."

"Thirsty?" I asked, offering her the flask. She nodded and accepted it, taking a few swigs before handing it back to me.

We exited the room and entered a corridor. We were walking through it when suddenly, the ground gave out from under the kid and she fell.

"FRISK!"

I went up to the hole and yelled "Frisk! Are you alright?" No response. I looked into the hole and my eyes were met with an empty room. "Frisk? The hell did you go?"

"I'm right here." I heard coming from right beside me, causing me to wheel around in surprise.

"What? How did you..."

She pointed to a rectangular opening in the wall.

"Oh. Right."

We continued on into the next room and the phone rang yet again.

"Hello?"

"Hello! This is Toriel. For no reason in particular which do you prefer, cinnamon or butterscotch?

"Cinnamon." "Butterscotch." We both said almost unanimously, causing us to simultaneously look at eachother.

A chuckle came from the other end of the line. "Ah, I see. Thank you very much."

 _Click_

"Well... That was-" I began before I was interrupted by the electronic tone of the phone.

The familiar voice coming from the other side yet again.

"Hello? This is Toriel. Neither of you dislike the other flavor, do you? I know what your preferences are, but would you turn up your nose if you found it on your plate?"

Both of us replied in the positive.

"Right, right, I understand. Thank you for being patient, by the way."

 _Click_

We were both silent for a moment.

"What do you think that was all about?" the kid asked.

I shrugged. "Who knows."

The room we entered had a narrow row of spikes blocking our way. I got closer and examined the row. It was enough to stop someone like Frisk, but a person my size could easily step over them. I'd have to either carry the kid with me, or vault her over-

 _ **THUNK**_

The spikes retracted.

I looked back, and saw that she had pushed a rock onto a pressure plate.

 _Or we could do that._

We continued on through the ruins, and I began to notice that we weren't the only ones there. All sorts of monsters of varying shape and size were all around.

I managed to spot another froggit, a stubby cyclops-looking thing, a roach standing on it's hind legs, and what looked like a living green Jell-O dessert.

However, I could never get a closer look at them as whenever they'd notice us they would run, or in the case of the Jell-O monster, bounce for the hills. I guessed maybe they must've just been not used to seeing humans. Maybe they were just afraid of me, thinking back to what Toriel said about me being the first adult to have ever fallen down here.

There was one monster that did come up to us though. It looked similar to a moth, was breathing really fast, and wouldn't look me in the eye. It looked as if it was absolutely terrified.

"Howdy." I greeted.

It immediately burst into tears, screaming "AAAH! IM SORRY IM SORRY PLEASE DONT KILL ME IM SORRY!" before fluttering away at the speed of knots.

I scratched my head in confusion "Was it something I said?"

We went along, carefully treading through a room with a noticeably unstable floor, until we reached another room, with another canal and a bridge of spikes.

"Hey, push that rock over there. I think that'll take care of the spikes."

"Sure thing." I replied.

I took a look at the puzzle, noticing a few pressure plates with adjacent rocks. I pushed one while she pushed the other, I was about to handle the third one when... it spoke.

"Whoa there, pardner." It said in an accent that almost sounded like a mockery of mine. "Who said you could push me around?"

"What the godda-"

"That's right pumpkin, I'm talkin' to you."

"Look, I apologize for trying to push you." I said, regaining my bearings. "But do you think you can move over just a smidgen?"

"You want _me_ to move over? Well alright, just for you pumpkin." it said in a slightly flirtatious manner.

The rock moved to the side a bit.

"A little farther."

"More? Alrighty, how's this?"

It moved to the side, off of the path.

"Wait no, wrong way."

"Hold on, I think I got it."

It finally moved onto the pressure plate, causing another loud _**THUNK**_ as the spikes retracted.

We made our way towards the bridge, and I was about to thank the rock monster thing when it suddenly moved off the plate and the spikes came right back up. I'll admit, I was getting a bit frustrated at this point, but I managed to suppress it.

"Hey, do y'think you could stay on that plate for just a little bit longer?" I asked.

"You're giving me a real workout, but sure thing."

The rock moved back on the plate, and the spikes retracted again. We began making our way out of the room.

"Thanks for the help."

"T'aint no problem, anything for you pumpkin." it replied, again in a flirtatious manner.

We exited the room, and walked a little ways down the corridor before I finally asked "Was that rock just hitting on me?"

She giggled "I think it was."

"Well that's... Interesting."

"Hey, don't worry about it. I think it liked your charming personality."

"I ain't sure if I should take that as a compliment or an insult."

We passed by an alcove containing a table with a disgustingly old piece of cheese on it, only pausing so she could "save" again. Continuing on down the corridor, we entered the next room where our path was blocked by... a ghost.

Yes, a ghost. It looked like one of those halloween costumes that a kid would make out of some old bedsheets. Except this was no costume, it looked like this was it's body. Costume or not, it was blocking our way. It appeared to be sleeping, but on closer examination it was obvious that it was just playing possum.

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" the ghost said.

No, it wasn't snoring. It was literally saying "z" out loud over and over again.

"Pardon me mister, but we need to get through."

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

"Uh, mister?"

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

" _Sigh_ Look mister, just let us through and we'll be out of your way."

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz(Are they gone yet)zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

I had neither the time nor patience to deal with this ghost's antics.

"Well mister, if you're not gonna move..."

I walked closer to the ghost.

"Guess I'll just have to move you myself."

 **FIGHT INITIATED**

Everything went black and our souls ejected again, the ghost stood before us.

"Well great, what now?"

"Hold on, I think I have an idea." the kid said.

She gave the ghost a smile.

"Heh..." it said in a timid and ghostly voice as it began... crying?

But instead of falling down, it's tears flew right at us.

"I wouldn't let those touch you if I were you." I yelled.

"Good idea!"

We began ducking and dodging the various tears that flew in our direction. It wasn't too difficult, and the barrage was over pretty quickly.

"Alright kid, you seem to know what you're doing. What should I do?"

"Try complimenting him or something like that."

I began thinking up a way to compliment a sheet ghost, eventually settling on "You look nice today, partner."

It blushed "Heh heh..."

This time, no tears flew toward us, instead a message reading _**REALLY NOT FEELIN UP TO IT RIGHT NOW. SORRY.**_ came up.

Our turn came, before I could think of acting, the kid said "Wait. He wants to show us something."

I mustered a friendly face. "Lets see it partner."

"Let me try..." came his forlorn and ghostly voice. He started crying again, but the tears went upwards and began taking the form of an old stovepipe hat.

"I call it dapper blook. Do you... like it..?"

"Yeah!" "Lookin' good, partner." came our responses.

"Oh gee..."

The fight ended and everything went back to normal.

"I normally come to the ruins because there's noone around. But today, I met someone nice... Oh, I'm rambling again. Here, l'll get out of your way.

He disappeared, clearing the path in front.

"Well. That was... something."

"Mmhm."

We went through the opening at the end of the corridor, which led to a dead end. I was fixing to turn around, when I noticed a sign at the end of the corridor.

"Spider bake sale?" I said, reading the sign. This raised a few questions, and I was curious. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a coin.

"Are you really about to... ?" the kid asked.

Ignoring her question, I walked over to one of the webs and dropped the coin in it, a spider lowered itself down and handed me a doughnut. I looked it over for a moment before reluctantly taking a bite of it.

"Hey, this ain't half bad."

She sighed and we walked out of the room, going through the opening on our right, leading into another big and cavernous room.

There was another sign in front of us.

 **Did you miss it? Spider bake sale down to the right. Come eat food made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders!**

I stopped and looked closer at my doughnut and the kid stared intently at me. I examined it for a few seconds, it before shrugging and taking another bite out of it.

She gave me a disgusted look.

"What? It still tastes good."

She just shook their head but had a slight grin on her face "You are a strange man."

"Hey, says the child psychic" I playfully retorted.

Her grin suddenly faltered, and she went silent. Something about what I'd just said was clearly bothering her. Not wanting to upset her any more than she already was, I dropped the subject and didn't say anything else.

We trudged on, encountering a few more of those froggits along the way. They were very talkative, but they rambled on about what I took as complete nonsense. Save for the third one, who gave us some much-appreciated advice about sparing monsters. We even got another call from Toriel, reminding us not to carry too much unnecessary junk around.

Luckily that wouldn't be much of a problem for us. If there's anything my Uncle Arthur's satchel was good for, it was carrying around random junk.

During our walk through the corridor, I spotted a crack in the wall with a strange white spot in it. I don't know why, but I went over to examine it, finding a frog that was no bigger than a thimble. The tiny thing waved at me and I returned the gesture. Turning around, I noticed that Frisk was doing something with the phone. Curious, I went over and silently observed whatever she was doing.

She dialed a number and held the phone to her ear.

"Hello! This is Toriel." I could faintly hear through the speaker.

"Oh, hi mom." she replied.

I raised my eyebrows a little at this, but still kept silent.

"Huh? Did you just call me... Mom?" came from the speaker.

"Uh, is it ok if I call you that?"

"Well... I suppose... Would that make you happy? To call me "mother"?"

"Yeah."

"Well then, call me whatever you like, dear!"

 _Click_

I was about to say something but then she sprouted a mischievous grin and pressed a button.

Toriel picked up yet again, but this time the kid flirted with her.

That's right, they flirted with the old lady.

Of course it was nothing too scandalous, but it still made me slightly uncomfortable. That same "what the fuck" look returned to my face.

Toriel just laughed it off though. "How adorable, I could just pinch your cheek. And right after calling me mother too... You are an "interesting" child aren't you?"

 _Click_

Frisk looked back at me and saw the look on my face, I guess she must've realized I heard the whole thing.

Though my face turned into a grin and I just shook my head.

"You _are_ an interesting child."

She just shrugged and we headed to the next room.

I looked around, noting that the entire place was bare and a row of spikes blocked the exit. I looked around, but didn't see a switch anywhere. Seeming to pick up on my confusion, the kid answered my question before I even thought of asking it.

"I think the switch is somewhere under the floor. We'll probably have to fall through those unstable spots." she said while pointing to unstable parts in the floor that lined both sides of the corridor.

"You can't be serious." I concernedly replied.

"Relax, it's probably not too far down.

"Alright then. I'll take the one on the right, and you get the one on the left."

"Got it."

I went over and stood on the unstable spot, sure enough the ground collapsed and I fell, luckily the fall was only a few feet and I landed without a hitch. Looking around, I didn't see a switch or a button and was about to make my exit when I noticed something laying on the ground in front of me.

"What do we have here?" I asked out loud while picking up a dusty old ribbon. _Just junk_ I thought, yet something compelled me to keep it. I put the ribbon in my satchel and climbed through the opening leading back to the top floor where the kid was waiting.

"Find anything?" I asked.

She shook her head. "What about you?"

"Nothing. Well, not exactly. I did find this old thing." I said while taking out the ribbon.

Almost immediately she eyed the ribbon. "Can I see it?" she asked.

"Sure, knock yourself out." I replied, giving her the ribbon.

She examined it for a while before tying it into a bow in her hair.

"How do I look?" she asked expectantly.

"Fine I guess, are you really gonna keep that dusty old thing in your hair?"

"Sure am."

"Right. Just making sure."

We turned our attention to the second row of unstable spots.

"Opposite sides this time?" she asked.

"Sure, why not?"

We went to our selected spots and sure enough, fell through the floor.

I landed softly in a room that was unfortunately empty. Well, almost empty.

The ghost from before was lying on the ground only a few feet from where I'd landed.

"You alright there, partner?"

"Oh. Yes... I fell down a hole and now I can't get up... Go on without me..."

"You're a ghost though, can't you fly?"

"Oh... Right..."

Like last time, he disappeared again.

I was fixing to say something when a muffled _**Thunk**_ came from upstairs.

 _Looks like she found the switch._ I went to the opening and hoisted myself out of the chamber.

After reaching the top floor, we went along through the corridor. There were a couple of more spike rows to deal with, but they were about as challenging as opening a door.

We were casually strolling along

Soon enough we were in another corridor, this one with another path that went left. We silently chose to go foward though, leading to and end room with a doorway and another froggit.

"Ribbit ribbit, hey human."

I tipped my hat. "Mister."

He hopped a little closer to us and brought his voice down to almost a whisper. "Hey, just between you and me, I saw Toriel walk out of here just a little while ago. She was carrying some groceries. I didn't ask what they were for, we're all to intimidated to talk to her. Ribbit."

"Well, thanks for telling us."

"You're welcome, ribbit."

The froggit hopped away, leaving the kid and I standing in front of the doorway.

"So... Frisk, what do you think?" I asked.

"Well... If she came from there, then she won't be there right?"

"Right."

"So if we went in there, it's almost guaranteed we won't accidentally run into Toriel."

"You're... You're Not wrong."

"Am I ever?"

I was about to retort, but I didn't. For the three hours or so that I had known her, I couldn't recall a single time she'd been wrong about anything situational.

We went through the doorway and walked onto an overlook where a magnificent sight greeted us.

A city.

A massive city.

At the time the biggest city I'd ever been to was Saint Denis, and this place looked just as big, if not bigger.

The buildings looked like they belonged in those stories about King Arthur, built out of the same purple bricks. It looked like it must've been abandoned for centuries, with most of the buildings looking empty and decrepit, a few had even collapsed from probably centuries of neglect.

I badly wanted to get a closer look, to walk it's streets and explore, but we didn't have the time. I wasn't sure how long it had been, but I was pretty sure we had gone well over the time we originally intended to spend exploring and we really had to get back to that room with the pillar before Toriel was finished with whatever the hell she was doing. However, there was one thing I wanted to do first.

I took out my journal, and flipped through the various pages until I found a blank page and sketched the view from the overlook. I finished and took a quick look at my work, before labeling it "Forgotten city" and putting it away.

"Hey! Check this out!" I heard the kid yell out.

I looked in her direction and saw her pick up a knife that was lying on the ground.

"Easy kid, that thing's dangerous."

"Relax, it's only a toy." she tapped it a few times, making a noticeable thunking sound, indicating it was made of wood.

On closer examination, I could tell she was right, the thing was obviously nothing but a toy.

"You gonna keep that thing?"

She looked over it a little before stowing into her back pocket.

"Alright then."

We began making our exit.

"Sooo... What were you drawing?" she asked inquisitively.

"Just a sketch of that city back there."

"You're an artist?"

"Not particularly. It's more of a hobby or a tradition, something of the sort."

"Oh... May I see it?"

"Sure" I said, showing them the book.

"Whoa, this is really good."

I chuckled. "I guess. There's more, but most of them ain't mine." I flipped over a couple of pages and stopped on a few drawings that were noticeably lesser quality. "My father drew these."

She giggled in response.

"He was a good man but... not the best artist."

"Was this his journal?"

"Sort of. Belonged to my Uncle Arthur first, before he..."

I flipped through a few more pages, landing on some drawings done by him.

Her eyes widened at the stark increase in quality. "Whoa."

"Like night and day, ain't it?"

"Yeah."

During our talk about the sketches, we aimlessly walked along. For some reason we ended up going right instead of straight and went into a room with a giant naked tree in the center.

After putting away my journal, I had just then noticed that we'd taken a wrong turn.

Before we could turn around though, a familiar voice came from the other side of the room.

"Oh dear, That took longer than I expected."

 _Shit._

I froze, the kid did too. We were caught, and we both knew it.

"Bust-ed." I heard her whisper.

Suddenly an electronic **RING** betrayed our position, she must've called us.

Toriel, understandably surprised, ran over to us.

"How did you get here?"

"Oh you know. Walked a little bit, solved some puzzles." I replied.

"Are any of you hurt?" she asked while lookin over the two of us.

"Don't worry, we're fine." the kid protested.

"I see. I should've trusted you more. Still, I should not have left you two alone for so long. It was irresponsible to try and surprise you like this. Well, I suppose I cannot hide it any longer. Come! I have something to show you."

Toriel walked into what appeared to be a small house. I was fixing to follow, when I noticed that the old tree would be another good thing to sketch. I took out my journal yet again, and noticed the kid at the front of the house, doing that "save" thing again. I shrugged it off and went to work, drawing a nice sketch of the tree. While I was sketching my "masterpiece", the kid came up beside me and took a good look at the tree.

"Every time this old tree grows any leaves, they fall right off." She said.

I said nothing about her psychic quote and finished the sketch, labeling it "Forlorn tree". After putting my journal away, I turned around and looked at the house.

"Shall we?" I said.

"Lets do it."

Together, we made our way into the strange little house in the ruins.

* * *

When I stepped through that door, the first thing I felt was shock.

The inside looked... normal. Like any average house you'd find on the surface. It felt warm, cozy, and a heavenly aroma filled the air. It was just so... out of place.

Toriel was right at the door waiting for us. "Do you smell that? Surprise! I baked you a pie."

"A pie?" Frisk excitedly asked.

"Yes! A cinnamon and butterscotch pie to be exact. I thought it'd be a nice way to celebrate your arrival."

I'll admit, I was licking my lips. The last thing I'd had was some salted venison and eggs for breakfast, and the smell was making my mouth water.

"I want the both of you to have a nice time living here, so I will hold off of the snail pie for tonight."

 _Thank you._ I thought while imagining whatever the hell a snail pie looks like.

Here, I have another surprise for you."

She took the kid's hand and led her down the hall on the right, I followed along, walking by a staircase, until they stopped at the first door.

"Here it is... A room of your own! I hope you like it."

"Make yourself at home." she turned towards me "And I have something to show you as well, please follow me."

She led me to the door at the end of the hallway, a sign reading **Room under renovations** hung on it.

"This room is for you, however..."

She unlocked and opened the door, revealing a dusty room that looked as if this was the first time it had been opened in god knows how long. It was almost bare, containing only a empty bedframe and a few other pieces of furniture that you'd normally find in a bedroom.

"I'm afraid it's not quite ready yet. I haven't used this room in... A long time. I'll need to do some work to it, I hope you understand."

I nodded in response.

"Worry not, I'll try to have it ready for you soon. But in the meantime, where would you like to stay?"

"I'll stay with the kid."

"Are you sure? There's only one bed in there and I'm afraid it's not quite your size."

"It's fine, I'll just sleep on the floor. Don't worry about me, I've slept in rougher places."

"Alright then. Well, If you need any blankets or pillows they're in the hall closet, 2nd door to the left." pointing to a door that was across from Frisk's room.

"Thank you."

"You are quite welcome! Now if you will excuse me, I should check on the pie."

She walked off towards the kitchen and I went to the closet, picking out a pillow and a blanket and even finding an old bedroll lying in there before entering the kid's room.

Upon entry I could tell the room was meant for a child. It was brightly decorated with a few stuffed animals and a toy chest lying around a small bed where Frisk was seated. The room looked cute and friendly, yet there was something tragic about it that I couldn't quite decipher.

The kid looked at me and giggled when she noticed the stuff I was carrying. "What, didn't like your room?"

I shook my head. "Wasn't ready. Didn't have a mattress or anything."

I laid the bundle down on the other side of the room, unrolling the bedroll and placing the blanket and pillow on top.

"Of course, Toriel promised she'd get it ready for me soon but..."

She slowly nodded, understanding what I was hinting at.

"When should we tell her?"

 _"Sigh_ I don't know kid, I don't know."

"Jack, what's wrong?"

"It's Toriel. I don't think she gets too many visitors and well, I wouldn't feel right leaving her so soon."

She said nothing, but I could tell that she understood and maybe even agreed with what I was saying.

"What should we do then?" She eventually asked.

"Stay here I guess. Only for a day or two, give her some company and then we get out of here."

I opened up the wardrobe, which was full of striped shirts not unlike what Frisk was wearing. I pushed them aside and hung up my coat, obviously no longer needing the extra layers. I also took off my hat and hung it inside the wardrobe after remembering what my mama said about wearing hats indoors.

"Sounds like a plan. But do you think she'll let us just walk out of here?"

I thought about it a little and shook my head. "Doubt it. We might have to end up sneaking out of here..."

I was interrupted by the voice of our hostess coming from down the hall. "Jack, Frisk! The pie is ready!"

"...but lets worry about that later. I'm dying for some of that pie."

" _Yawn_ You go ahead, I'm gonna get some shuteye."

"Hitting the sack already?"

"Yeah, I'm sleepy."

"Well alright kid, I'll save you a piece."'

"Thanks."

She laid down and I guess out of kindness, I pulled the comforter over her before switching the lamp off. I was a bit surprised that the place had electric lights, but I guess that must come standard when your civilization has things like portable telephones.

I opened the door and began to exit the room.

 _"Yawn_ Goodnight Jack." she said tiredly.

"'Night, kid." I replied as I gently closed the door.

* * *

 **A/N: And that was Chapter 2. Sorry if it was pretty lackluster, with it being the ruins and all which isn't exactly my favorite stage.**

 **If you've read my previous update that I posted on chapter 1, I said that this chapter was going to be slightly longer than the last, and that it was gonna be where the good stuff starts kicking in.**

 **Well, I was wrong and I apologize profusely, but I had a good reason. During the writing of this chapter and the planning of chapter 3, I realized that the way I was writing both would end up leaving 2 long and 3 short, so I had to cut some of the stuff from this one and put it in the next.**

 **Chapter 3 will ultimately be the last chapter in the Ruins arc, so get ready for some _deep lore_.**

 **With it accidentally being already 1/3 written, I can guarantee you it'll be out much quicker than this one took, should things go right. Plus I'll have more fun writing it since the main story will finally start kicking in. Expect to see it in about a month, maybe less. I'll keep you updated should anything change.**

 **Again, thank you for sticking with me. I probably don't deserve it, but knowing that people appreciate and like this story reminds me why I started writing this and why I plan to finish it.**


	3. Chapter 3

.

* * *

 _ **Beneath The Mountain**_

 _ **Chapter 3: Home is Where the Heartbreak is**_

* * *

After closing the door, I pulled out my pocketwatch to check the time.

"Goddammit." I muttered under my breath upon realizing that both of the hands were hanging down limply. _Guess the fall must've broken that too._

I examined it closer and to my relief it wasn't busted beyond repair, but I'd need an actual watchmaker to fix it.

 _Fuck it, I'll worry about it later._ I thought, more concerned with the undoubtedly delicious pie that was waiting for me.

I walked out of the hallway, past a staircase which I noted as a possible exit, and into a cozy looking living room where Toriel was busy laying what I guessed was the pie onto a large dining table. As soon as she laid it down, she noticed my presence and turned towards me, giving me that same warm smile that reminded me of...

"Ah, there you are!" She cocked her head to the side a little and looked behind me. "Where's Frisk?"

"She was tired, decided to hit the hay early." I replied.

"I see. Well, it would be rude to not save her some." She took out a cake shovel and cut a piece from the pie, putting it onto a plate.

"I'll bring this one to her. In the meantime, feel free to help yourself!" She made her way towards the kid's room.

I obliged, cutting a good-sized piece and plating it up before taking a seat at one of the two big chairs around the table, the third one being more suited for someone Frisk's size.

Grabbing a fork, I took my first bite of the pie and...

 _Holy mackerel..._

It was absolutely delicious, probably one of the best things I've had in my life. It was nice and hot with a flaky, buttery crust. The filling was just so rich and the flavor was as if it'd fallen straight from the heavens.

 _Cinnamon and butterscotch, why the hell haven't I thought of that?_ I thought while wolfing it down.

Toriel soon returned, presumably after leaving the piece in Frisk's room.

"How is it, dear?"

"It's... _gulp_ wonderful, haven't had anything this good in ages."

She chuckled upon seeing the destroyed slice on my plate. "I can tell. Would you like another slice?"

"Yes, please." I pleaded like I was being offered water after being lost in the desert for a week.

She cut another slice and put it onto my plate, I barely managed a thank you before I started ravaging the piece. I could just imagine my mama rolling in her grave right now at how I was behaving, but luckily Toriel didn't seem to mind.

She was heading towards a plush sitting chair by the fireplace when I noticed that she hadn't had a slice yet.

"Hey, don't you want any?"

"Thank you for the offer dear, but I'm fine! I made it specially for you two."

"Nonsense. I'd hate for you to make something this great and not at least have some." I might've sounded a bit suspicious at this point but hey, can't trust a chef who won't eat their own cooking.

"Well, if you insist, I'll gladly have some!"

She cut a piece and plated it up, taking a seat at the other big chair at the table before taking a bite.

"Mmhmm... This _is_ wonderful."

"Told you so." I snickered.

"You know, this dish has always been a favorite of mine."

"I can see why." I said, eagerly taking another bite.

"Takes me back. I used to make this all the time... back when-"

I noticed a flash of something in her eyes. I couldn't tell what it was, but it was enough to get her to cut the sentence short.

"...Ah, but that was so long ago."

"Are you alright?"

"Oh, yes! Just thinking of something..."

We sat in silence for a while, both of us just enjoying the pie and basking in the moment. After a while we were both sated, so we went ahead and cleaned up the table. Toriel carried the dishes to the kitchen and I followed along, carrying the pie.

The kitchen was pretty standard, looking similar to mine but much smaller. She began washing up the dishes while I placed the pie in a strange-looking icebox. While I was looking for a good spot for it among the various foodstuffs and... jars of snails... something happened to catch my eye.

A chocolate bar.

A normal Snowberger bar like you'd find on the surface.

There was nothing particularly odd about it other than it being very out of place, but there was some sort of vibe it gave off that I couldn't figure out.

 _Whatever, just a bar of chocolate._

I put the pie inside and shut the door. Toriel was already gone, so I went back into the living room finding her seated back at her sitting chair, wearing a pair of reading glasses and buried in some book.

Judging by the various books around us and the one she was reading, I assumed she must've been a bookworm like me.

 _Guess we have something in common._ I was glad for that though, gave us something to talk about.

There wasn't a sofa or even another sitting chair, so I ended up pulling one from the table and placing it in front of her.

By now, I could feel the heat coming from the fireplace.

Well no, more like a warmth.

For some reason, the fire never felt hot no matter how close I got to it, always just pleasantly warm.

I even made the genius move of putting my hand into the fire itself, but the result was still the same.

 _Even their fire works differently. What the hell is with this place?_

"I see that you're enjoying the fire?" Toriel humorously asked.

"I guess. Mainly trying to figure out why my hand ain't been sizzled like a side of bacon yet."

She chuckled. "Fire magic my dear."

 _Fire magic?_ Normally I would've laughed at the mere idea of magic. But after you've had everything you know about the world suddenly turned on it's head, you grow strangely accepting of outlandish shit like this. _Sure, why the hell not._

"What are you reading?" I asked, curious about whatever book she had open.

"Oh, it is called 72 Uses for Snails!"

"Snails? What are you, French?"

She laughed "Maybe so, maybe so. Would you like to hear an exciting snail fact?"

"Sure, lay it on me."

"Did you know that snails talk. really. slowly?"

"I didn't know that."

"Ha! Just kidding, snails can't really talk."

"Really? Could've fooled me."

"How about another? Did you know that snails sometimes flip their digestive systems as they mature?"

"That's... interesting."

"I know! I'm not sure if you're much of a reader, but I have so many old books that I would like to share."

"Psh, "much of a reader", it's practically my middle name."

Her eyes lit up with excitement. Guess I'd be excited too if I lived alone for so long and someone with my exact same interest just happened to walk through the door one day.

"Oh that's fantastic! All these books to go over, it'll be fun!"

I was mostly looking forward to any history books she had relating to the whole monster race and their history, I guess I was just a bit curious about this whole subterranean monster civilization and how it came to be.

"Now if it's alright with you, would you mind telling me about some of the books that you've read on the surface? It has been quite some time since I, since any monster really, has been to the surface."

"Wait, y'all were on the surface once?"

"Yes. A long, long time ago. I am surprised you do not already know this."

"Hey, I never even knew that monsters existed until a few hours ago."

"Really? Have... Humans already forgotten about us?"

"It guess so. Sure we have stories about monsters, but they're either tales to scare children straight or alleged sightings from hunters who've spent way too much time out in the woods. Haven't heard much about your kind of monsters, except for this one campfire tale. But that guy wasn't exactly "all there" anyways."

"I see... I'm not quite sure how to feel about that."

She made a long pause before picking right up again.

"Anyways, about those books..."

"Hold on a second." I replied, reaching into my satchel and taking out a book. I'd actually brought a book along with me, to keep me occupied in case the hunt turned out to be disappointing. It was a book I'd just recently got into and was already a bit of a personal favorite of mine.

She immediately perked up at seeing me pull out a book.

"I think you'll like this one." I said, handing it to her.

She closed the one she was already reading and took it, adjusting her glasses a little before reading the title.

"Twenty thousand leagues under the sea?"

"Yeah, I don't know if you're much into science fiction. I ain't myself but I think it's great."

"Why, thank you. If there's anything in particular you're looking for, feel free to ask."

"Actually, there is. You got anything about the history of your monster civilization? Maybe something related to how y'all ended up down here in the first place."

"Ah, I see. I know the perfect book."

She got up and strolled over to the bookcase, going over a few titles until ("Here we are!") she pulled out a worn red book and handed it to me.

"I believe you'll find what you're looking for in here."

"Perfect, thank you."

"No, thank _you._ It has been a while since I have had some new reading material, I'm glad you have brought this to me."

We went silent for a while, getting suckered into our respective books.

The book I was given was very old and worn, almost like it had been read multiple times over the span of decades. I could still make out the title though.

 **A Short Essay on the History of Monsterkind Vol 2 Ch 1.**

I flipped to a page which had already been conveniently bookmarked and began reading.

 _ **...Following the collapse of the Roman Empire, seven powerful kingdoms rose from it's ashes. Unlike the Monsters, they did not unify following the empire's collapse, instead choosing to go to war with eachother. For centuries they constantly fought against one another over every manner of things. An uneasy peace developed between both humans and monsters, not hostile yet not in any way friendly...**_

 _The Romans? Damn._ If Toriel remembered life on the surface, then how old was she? _Was she immortal?_

I put these thoughts aside and continued to read.

 _ **...unlike their predecessors, the people of the Seven Kingdoms began to adopt the use of magic. In stark contrast to the Romans who not only scoffed at the practice, but even outlawed it within their borders. Preferring technological innovation over the schools of magic. Originally we saw their adoption of it as a good thing, something that could eventually bring both of our races together.**_

 _ **We could not have been more wrong.**_

 _ **The Romans were kind to us. Well, maybe not kind, but they left us alone at least. Both us and them knew that monsters were weaker than humans, and with the scale of their empire and the size of their armies, they could have easily destroyed us if they desired to do so. Yet for some reason, they didn't. We even established trade routes between our kingdom and their empire, bringing in a golden age of prosperity for the kingdom of monsters.**_

 _ **Maybe they just prolonged the inevitable.**_

 _ **Our relationship with the Seven Kingdoms was shaky at best. We had managed to avoid war with any of them for so long, yet we still weren't on the best of terms with them either. Still, we were at an unofficial peace with the kingdoms of man. Making it all the more surprising when they unexpectedly attacked.**_

 _ **We were caught off guard. We knew that they feared our ability to absorb a human SOUL, but we never thought these Seven Kingdoms which had always clashed with eachother and showed no signs of camaraderie would suddenly unite and bring their armies to our doorstep.**_

 _ **The battle was disastrous. Calling it a battle is too generous of a term, a massacre is more suitable. Using both magical and conventional weapons, they slaughtered us. Countless villages, farms, and towns were raided and burned, all the inhabitants turned into dust. They were merciless, taking no prisoners, just killing every single monster they came across.**_

 _ **We tried to fight them, but it was futile. All attempts at a counterattack led to nothing but more dust on the battlefield. At the end of the first day, over three-quarters of the entire monster population had been completely wiped out. A stark loss compared to the humans who had reportedly not lost even a single soldier.**_

 _Jesus. Are we we really that powerful?_

 _ **Without any other option, the king ordered us to flee eastward into uncharted territory. For months we endured steep mountains, frozen tundras, and harsh winter weather, all while being relentlessly pursued by the human army. We hoped that eventually they would give up, let us flee and we could rebuild our civilization in some faraway uncharted land. However, they never gave us that opportunity, the humans were much too determined to destroy us. Eventually we were cornered on a mountain somewhere far inside the uncharted zone. Surrounded on all sides by a seven nation army, we fled underground through a large rocky maw where we hoped to find safety.**_

 _ **They did not follow us however. Instead, seven mages were brought forward, each the most powerful magic user from their respective kingdom. Together, they constructed a magical barrier that not a soul could pass through, effectively entombing us beneath this accursed mountain.**_

 _ **Trapped behind the barrier and fearful of further human attacks, we retreated. Far, far into the earth we walked, until we reached the cavern's end.**_

 _ **This was our new home, which we named... "Home."**_

 _ **As great as our king is, he is pretty lousy at names.**_

I closed the book, trying to digest all the information I'd just read. It was a fucking mouthful but at the same time I'd gotten what I wanted, maybe a little more.

 _Guess that old coot was right about something after all._

"Did you find what you were looking for?" Toriel asked, looking up from the book expectantly.

"Yeah. I did." I guess she must've heard the solemn tone in my voice.

"Our history is... not a pretty one. The humans did a lot to us back then and we still have not fully recovered. Probably never will."

 _Maybe that's why most of those monsters avoided me, they were afraid._

"As you can imagine, humans are not particularly popular in the underground. This is why as humans living in the underground, you and Frisk need to know how to handle yourselves in a monster attack."

"I think we handled ourselves pretty well back there, what do you think?"

"That you did, which is why I'm willing to trust you two more than I usually would."

"I appreciate that."

"Um, Jack? I want you to know how glad I am to have someone here. I do not get many visitors as you can probably guess, so it's usually just me and my books. I am glad that you and Frisk are here, it's nice to finally have some company. "

 _Goddammit, she isn't making this easy for me is she?_

Don't get me wrong, I was glad she felt this way and that I was able to connect with her like that, but it just made me feel guilty. Here she was, pouring her heart out to me about how lonely she was and about how she was happy that we were here, and all I could think about was how the both of us were going to be gone in probably only a couple of days, putting her right back where she was. It's the kind of feeling that makes you sick to your stomach.

I guess she must've noticed my discomfort. "Is something wrong, Jack?"

 _Shit, what do I say?_ I couldn't tell her the truth, especially since all that could end up doing was getting us stuck down here forever. I had to think hard and fast.

"You remind me of my mama." I said, almost in one breath.

 _What the fuck Jack_ My mind practically screamed. _Is that really the best you could come up with?_

Still, it seemed to work, as she just gave me that same goddamn smile again.

"I do? Well... Your mother must be a great woman then."

"Yeah... She was..."

"Was? What ever do you mean by... Oh... Oh no."

I just nodded in confirmation. "Buried her only a few months ago."

"Why that's... That's awful."

"Doctor said the sickness got her, but I believe otherwise. I think she died from a broken heart. She never was the same after pa died..."

By now, I could no longer contain myself. Guess it was my turn to pour my heart out now.

She was shocked at what she'd heard from me. "Your father too?"

"He died a few years earlier, shot like a dog on his own property."

"He was murdered? How did this happen?"

I told her, well, everything. The abridged version of my life story. I told her about everything I'd been through, from being born and raised in Dutch's gang, all the way to when I watched a very dead Edgar Ross fall into the San Luis river.

After spending god knows how long telling her about my past and all the various tragedies and tribulations I'd been through, it was now her turn to speak.

"My word... That's horrifying."

I simply nodded, too exhausted to say much else.

Yet again, we went silent. Neither of us knowing what more to say. I was mentally kicking myself at this point.

 _You just had to tell your entire fucking life story didn't you?_ I silently berated myself.

Toriel however, seemed more sympathetic if anything, something I was thankful for. Though I didn't expect what she did next.

She got up, gave me a hug, and comforted me.

It'd been such a long time since I'd been comforted like that. It almost felt like... ma was really there, like she was right there assuring me that everything was gonna be alright.

Fuck, I was tearing up too. When you've gone for so long without feeling that, getting to feel it again even just for a moment, it's nice.

We stayed like that for a while, feeling her warm embrace until she finally let go.

"Better?"

"Yeah." I replied weakly.

I felt emotionally drained at this point, I'd just let everything that was built up from the past out all at once and I was just so tired.

"Jack? If it is alright with you, I could be your mother... if it makes you feel any better."

If I was in the right mind, I would've taken offense to that. The idea that some old goat lady, as kind as she is, could ever replace my own mother felt like an insult.

But, I wasn't in the right mind. I don't know if I just wanted her to feel better or if I was just really out of it, but I muttered a weak "Yeah." in response.

Her smile returned. "I promise, I'll try and be a good mother to you."

"Thanks... I'm... going to bed." I said, too tired to say much else.

She gave me a look of understanding in response. I stood up, and began making my way back to my quarters. Before I exited though, I paused and turned around.

"Thank you."

She said nothing in response, but she didn't need to.

I was tired, but I also felt a lot better. If it wasn't for the guilt that was eating me from the inside out, I would've said it was the best I've felt in months. Maybe years.

I made my way back to the kid's room, quietly opening the door and carefully shuffling through, trying not make a sound.

Soon enough I was laying on my makeshift bed, going over the day's events.

 _I discovered that magic and monsters apparently exist, met a mysterious psychic child, told my life story to a motherly goat lady who's obsessed with snails, and broke my goddamn watch. All in one day._

My self ruminating was suddenly interrupted by the tiny voice of my companion.

"Jack?"

"Oh, hey kid. Did I wake you?" I whispered back.

"No, you're fine. Listen, there's... something I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

"It's about that psychic thing you mentioned earlier."

"Look, if you don't want to talk about it, it's fine. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."

"No, it's... What I'm trying to tell you is that I never had this ability until... Until I fell down here."

 **{Music: Premonition - Undertale OST}**

"...What?"

"I... I don't know how to explain it. I just... woke up with this voice in my head that tells me... things. Things I'd never know otherwise."

I was concerned for her at this point. I didn't know much about head injuries, but I was pretty sure that suddenly hearing voices in your head, especially after a long fall down a deep pit was a sign of one.

"Are you sure you're alright kid? You might've hit your head or-"

"No. No, that can't be it. It's too... precise. It's almost like a sixth sense."

She did have a point. Whatever the hell that "voice" had told her, it was enough to get us through those ruins without a hitch.

Not sure what to think at that point, I looked over towards her and...

Look, I don't know what the fuck I saw, I don't know if I saw anything to begin with, but something was there.

It was dark, so I could barely make anything out. But I swear I saw a silhouette of someone or... something, standing next to the kid's bed.

The thing that confounds me the most is whatever it was looked exactly like her. Same shape, same stature, same everything.

"What the-" I blinked and the apparition disappeared.

"Jack, what's wrong?" my companion concernedly asked.

"Nothing... Go back to sleep."

 _Wonderful, now I'm seeing ghosts._

* * *

Somehow against all odds, I slept good that night.

I even had a dream that wasn't a nightmare. Something which almost never happened, even on a good day.

I dreamed of being back home with my parents, not only them but my former aunts and uncles as well. Arthur, Hosea, Uncle, and even old Dutch himself just to name a few.

They were happy, acting like the events of the last 15 years had never even happened. Maybe they even acted better than I remembered, I'm not sure.

For hours we just caught up and talked about all manner of things I can't even remember, but it felt nice being in their company again. I actually felt truly happy for the first time in what felt like forever.

I didn't want it to end, but eventually I had to part ways with all of them. Tearing me from the warm embrace of slumber.

* * *

Frisk woke from a very deep sleep.

She slowly sat up and rubbed her eyes.

"Jack?" she said groggily.

Hearing no response, she assumed he must've still been asleep.

After taking a few minutes to fully wake up and regain her bearings, she hopped off the bed and slipped her shoes back on.

 _Hang on, what's this?_ she thought at seeing a strange object next to her bed.

After picking it up, she found out that it was a slice of pie.

"Thank you." she whispered, remembering her companion's promise to save her a piece.

Even though it was morning, she went ahead and ate it anyway.

 _Mmm, this is delicious._ She couldn't remember the last time she'd had a dessert like this, or... if there even was a last time.

After finishing the pie, she decided it was time to wake up her partner.

"Jack? C'mon, wake up sleepyhead!"

Though when she turned on the light, she found his spot to be empty.

She panicked a little at seeing him gone, afraid that he had left her.

Frantic, she ran over to the door and tore it open, only to breathe a long sigh of relief when she heard his gruff, accented voice echoing from down the hall. Deep in a lively conversation with their hostess.

She could smell something delicious cooking and despite having already ate an entire slice of pie, she still felt hungry.

Rather than immediately join them though, being the curious child that she was, she decided to rummage around for a little bit.

She looked around her room, finding some mismatched shoes on one shelf, a bunch of striped shirts and a couple of articles belonging to her companion in the wardrobe, and finally a box of toys at the foot of her bed.

 _Kid's stuff_ she scoffed.

She quietly walked out and rummaged around in some of the drawers in the hall, finding nothing but some strange seeds, broken crayons, and a really old calendar.

She came across a door with "room under renovations" plastered on the door.

 _Guess that's Jack's room_ she quietly laughed to herself. She tried the door, but it was locked.

She decided to try the middle door next and to her delight, it was unlocked.

Upon entry, she was greeted with a bluish room with a gigantic bed and a few other pieces of furniture.

 _And this must be mom's room._

She looked around her room, but other than a tiny chair with "Chairiel" carved into it, an open diary filled with a variety of awful skeleton-related puns, a bucket of snails, and...

 ***ah, the cactus**

 ***truly the most tsundere of plants.**

 _Sure, whatever._

Other than all that, nothing seemed all that out of the ordinary.

She silently exited the room, only to run right into her companion.

 _Oh cr-_

"Hey, there you are kid."

"Oh... hey." she sputtered out in surprise, having been caught snooping around in Toriel's room.

Luckily, her companion didn't seem to care all that much.

"You hungry?"

She nodded in response. Admittedly she was pretty hungry, ready to get a taste of whatever was cooking which actually smelled very familiar...

"What'd you make?" she asked inquisitively.

"Pancakes."

Her eyes lit up at the mention of pancakes and she began excitedly running towards the living room.

 *** (The delightful smell of your favorite food... it fills you with determination.)**

* * *

Despite having the best sleep in months, I still woke up early. Not exactly sure how early it was, but I was the first one up so it must've been pretty early.

I decided to throw together a nice breakfast for all of us, as a token of my gratitude I guess.

Quietly exiting our room, I headed to the kitchen to find out what the old lady had that would translate into a hearty breakfast.

Searching the cupboards and icebox, I found the proper ingredients for some pancake batter.

I got to work, putting some coffee on first and mixing the pancake batter. Before too long, I had them cooking up nicely.

Toriel even came in around this time, complimenting on the smell before offering to help, which I politely declined.

After pouring ourselves some coffee, we got into another nice conversation while I continued cooking, this time managing to stay on the more lighthearted side of things.

She told me some more about the books she'd read, and I told her about my collection of songbooks and how I'd often play ragtime on the piano in my spare time, before subsequently explaining to her what ragtime was. Guess it hadn't hit the underground yet.

By that time everything was finished, and I let her serve and plate up everything, electing to go wake up Frisk instead.

I found her walking out of Toriel's room, but I decided not to ask what she was doing in there.

She was pretty excited when I told her I'd made pancakes, as she just took off running for the table as soon as the word escaped my lips.

Breakfast was great. I thought it was delicious, and the girls seemed to be enjoying their food, so I guess I must've done a pretty good job.

Frisk was especially happy with her food, I swear she must've gone through at least 4 helpings. Must've either been real hungry or just really liked pancakes.

It was a real pleasant breakfast. I know I harp on about my past a lot but still, it's moments like this that you just... miss when everybody that used to be in your life is gone.

Soon enough we were all finished with breakfast, and after spending a short time cleaning up I found myself back in front of the magical fire, eating a slice of leftover pie.

 _Goddamn, even while cold it's still good_ I thought.

Toriel had the book I lent her open, but she was talking the kid's ear off more than actually reading it. The kid didn't seem to mind though, and seemed like she was enjoying her conversation.

Not really having much else to do, I just listened to whatever she was talking to the kid about while periodically taking a bite of the pie.

"...I want to show you my favorite bug-hunting spot, and I've also prepared a curriculum your education. This may come as a surprise to you, but I have always wanted to be a teacher."

I guess I could imagine her as a teacher. Of course I never actually went to school myself, but she seemed like a good candidate for one.

"...Actually, perhaps that isn't very surprising. STILL. I am glad to have both of you living here. Maybe you can even help me with her schooling Jack. You seem like a pretty well-educated man."

"Mom?" I heard the kid ask. It still felt strange hearing her call her that but hey, who am I to judge?

"Oh, did you want something, my child?"

"Yes... When can we go home?"

My stomach immediately dropped and I nearly spit out the pie I had in my mouth.

 _Goddammit kid what the hell are you doing?_ I silently screamed. I just wasn't ready for this yet.

"What? This... this IS your home now." she replied, the sound of shock and disbelief easily decipherable in her expression.

I finally got the nerve to join in. The cat was out of the bag and I knew it, there was no going back now.

"Toriel... We can't stay here. I have a ranch I got to get back to, and I'm sure Frisk here has a family that must be worried sick by now."

I don't think I've ever seen anybody emotionally crumble that fast in my life. I could tell just by the look in her eyes that she was just falling apart. I had to look away, I just couldn't bear seeing her in that state.

"Would... you like hear about this book?

"Mom. We... we have to go." the kid replied.

"How about... an exciting... snail fact..."

"Toriel, please." I just solemnly replied. "Don't make this harder than it already is."

She was a wreck by now, I couldn't tell you how hard it was to have to tell her all that. It was as if we'd both took turns swinging a sledgehammer on all her hopes and dreams.

"...I have to do something. Stay here."

She quickly got up and left the living room.

Frisk and I looked at eachother, and we quickly got up and raced after her.

I saw her going down the stairs, so I rounded the corner and darted down them, the kid right behind me.

 _Looks like I was right about the stairs._

It led us to a small corridor of sorts, made out of the same purple brick that seemed to be of no short supply in the ruins. We almost had to brake to avoid running into Toriel.

"You wish to know how to return "home" do you not? Ahead of us lies the end of the ruins, a one-way exit to the rest of the underground. I am going to destroy it. No one will ever be able to leave again. Now be good and go back upstairs."

Her words were no longer warm, no longer friendly. They were cold, but not like that of say, a cold blooded killer. They were more akin to that of someone who's just seen too much.

She inched closer towards the exit and we remained in tow, ignoring her command for us to return upstairs.

We kept on following her until yet again, she paused.

"If you leave the ruins, they... **ASGORE**... Will kill you both. Or... You will kill him, and the underground descends into chaos. I cannot allow either. I am only trying to protect you, do you understand? ...go to your room."

Any trace of the loving motherly goat lady we had come to know were gone now. Her voice now colder than the dark side of the moon.

She inched foward and yet again, we disobeyed her order to return.

"Do not try to stop me. This is your final warning."

We were not fazed though, and continued to follow despite her warnings.

Soon enough, we found ourselves in front of a large stone door with that same crest inscribed on it.

It was cold down here, felt like a fucking meat locker. Definitely much colder than it had been upstairs. It was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop.

Finally, she broke the silence.

"You want to leave so badly? Hmph."

She turned around and faced us. I saw that look from earlier in her eyes, the look that had appeared when she started and just suddenly stopped talking about her past. I finally recognized what it was.

 _Hurt._

"You are just like the others. There is only one solution to this. Prove yourself... Prove to me that you are strong enough to survive."

The room suddenly began to grow dark, while fire from her hands began to glow bright.

 _Fuck me._

 **FIGHT INITIATED**

There she stood, fire at her hands and a stone cold expression in her face. The darkness was pierced by the glow of the fire and the ambient glow of our souls.

My turn was first.

 **Check - Toriel ATK 80 DEF 80, Knows best for you.**

 _Oh that's just fucking wonderful._

A crisscrossing pattern of fireballs flew towards us and we tried to dodge them.

Emphasis on tried, both of us got hit at least twice.

I yelped out in pain as one of the fireballs hit me in the side.

 **HP 33/36**

 _Goddammit._

Our turn came again, and the kid tried talking with her.

 ***But you couldn't think of any conversation topics.**

Again came the fireballs, I did better this time. Frisk took a beating however, I think she even did worse than last time.

Our turn came again and not knowing what else to do, I chose ***Spare.**

"I'm not going to fight you, Toriel!" I shouted at her.

She said nothing in response, but I could see tears threatening to break through her stoic, cold expression. More fireballs raced towards us.

Yet again, Frisk got hit several times, bringing her **HP** down to **08/20**

"What the hell are you doing kid?" I yelled at her. "Are you trying to get hit?"

"Yes."

"Wha- Have you lost your damn mind?"

"I know what I'm doing! Trust me." she shouted back angrily.

I probably shouldn't have listened to her, but at the same time I realized something.

The streams of fireballs were starting to get more spaced out, more erratic, more prone to missing. I don't know what was going on, but I decided to trust whatever instincts were commanding her.

She chose ***Spare** again and as expected, more fireballs came our way.

Both of us stood still and a few of them hit us. I tried my best to keep the kid from getting hit, which meant I had to take a few of them myself. The pain was unimaginable, but thankfully the barrage didn't last too long.

By now, both of our **HP** levels were down to **17** and **04** respectively.

We repeated this action until the next stream of fireballs came, but they were so spaced out that only a couple of them managed to hit us.

I noticed that Toriel's expression began to change, and It looked as if she was having some sort of internal struggle.

 _Frisk, you are a goddamn genius._

I chose ***Spare** and this time, none of the fireballs even came close to hitting us.

"What are you doing?" Toriel shouted.

She did the same on her turn, again the fireballs just went off to the side, almost as if they were intentionally missing.

"What are you proving this way?" She yelled again.

I spared her again, like clockwork the fireballs came but never hit.

"Fight me or leave!" She screamed at us, tears now visually rolling down her face.

The kid spared her again. "No, mom. We won't."

The fire on her hands suddenly diminished, and she gave us this resigned, defeated look.

"I know you want to go home but... But please... go upstairs now." She even managed to crack a smile. "I promise I will take good care of you two here."

"Mom..."

"I know we do not have much here but..."

"Toriel, please."

"We can have a good life here."

I so badly wanted to just accept her offer, go back upstairs and just stay with her.

But deep down, I knew I couldn't. I had to get the kid back to her family and get back to my ranch, back home. Sure, it felt empty and devoid of life, but it was still home.

"Why are you making this so difficult?"

"It's not any easier for us." I retorted.

"Please, just go upstairs."

Frisk just shook their head. "Im... sorry mom. But we have to go."

Her voice was cracking by now, and she sounded like she was ready to burst into tears at a moment's notice. I'd be lying if I said hearing the kid like this didn't break my heart.

Toriel put her arms down and everything just... stopped.

"Ha ha... Pathetic, is it not? I cannot save even a single child... Let alone a child _and_ a young man." She said, sounding tired and utterly defeated.

"I'm sorry, but we just- " I tried to say before getting cut off.

"No... No, I understand. Neither of you would be happy trapped down here. The ruins are very small once you get used to them. It would not be right for me to keep you both in a place like this. My expectations... My loneliness... My fear... For you, I will put them aside."

Her hands lit up again, and she shot a row of green fireballs, but instead of harming us, they felt warm and comforting. Our **HP** numbers started climbing up until they maxed out.

Finally, the darkness around us diminished and everything went back to normal.

"If you truly wish to leave the ruins... I cannot stop you. However, When you leave... Please do not come back. I hope you understand.

 **{Music: Cruel Cruel World - Willie Nelson}**

She bent down and embraced the kid, saying her goodbyes to her.

Not feeling comfortable with sticking around, I silently excused myself and went upstairs. I'd left most of my things in our room, and I needed them before we even thought about going anywhere.

It probably wasn't the best idea, she could've easily destroyed the door while my back was turned, but I wasn't thinking straight. Everything with her just had my mind all fucked up.

I went back up the stairs and walked around the corner until I found myself in what was formerly our room. I picked up my satchel from my makeshift bed before going over to the wardrobe and putting on my coat and hat.

Right at this moment, Toriel walked in, causing me to turn around in surprise.

She had that same resigned look that I'd seen her with earlier, but she still managed to give me a weak smile.

I felt sick. Shit like this never leaves you feeling well, so I walked over to her. The least I could do was give her some comfort, I owed her that much.

"Jack..."

"Toriel..."

"Jack, before you leave... I need you to do something. For me."

"What is it?"

"Keep Frisk safe. I... I know you've already been doing that, and a good job too. But please, just promise me that you'll do everything in your power to keep not only her safe, but yourself as well. Even if it means... "

She wiped her eyes with her sleeve and composed herself.

"I know this sounds like a great responsibility but... Asgore cannot be allowed to get his hands on another human soul."

"Don't worry. As long as she's with me, she's safe. I promise I'll get her home."

"Thank you. But, if mercy fails... Do what you must."

I put my hand on her shoulder and looked right into her rust red eyes.

"It won't come to that, I promise." I said softly.

We stood there for a few seconds until I embraced her. A gesture that she quickly returned. We ended up holding eachother for a very long time.

It brought back memories. Memories of the worst day of my life, the day when my father was killed and when I had to comfort my own grieving mother while being grief stricken myself. God, I couldn't hardly fucking bear it.

"Thank you. Thank you for all that you've done for us. I'm never gonna forget your kindness." I told her, my voice beginning to waver.

"I don't want this to end..." I heard her say sorrowfully.

"Neither do I..."

She was tearing up at this point, but I couldn't blame her, I was too. Took all I had not to start crying.

"Maybe we'll meet again someday, in a life where... Things turned out better. For all of us." I lamented.

It was time for me to let go. I ended the embrace and she followed suit. Not knowing what else to say, I began to leave.

"Wait. Before you go." she went over to the wardrobe and rummaged around some until she emerged holding a blue child's size winter coat, which looked similar to my own.

"Give this to her. It's very cold out there, and I don't want her leaving without some sort of protection from the cold."

I nodded, accepting the coat.

"And I almost forgot..." She presented me a book, the book I had lent her. "I think you will want this back."

"No. I want you keep it."

"A-are you sure?"

"Yeah. Consider it a... parting gift, from me."

She smiled at me again, another warm and comforting smile. _"Sigh_ Well... Goodbye Jack. Goodbye and good luck."

"Goodbye Toriel." It hurt just saying that, everything just hurt.

I left her there, slowly and methodically walking the way I came.

I finally got to the end of the corridor where Frisk was waiting for me. Judging by the look in her eyes and how red her face was, I could tell she had been crying as well. I couldn't blame her though, my eyes weren't exactly dry either.

"You alright kid?"

She quickly turned away from me, hiding her face. "I-I'm fine."

I handed the coat to the kid. "Here, you'll need this. It's cold where we're going."

"...Thanks."

I waited for her to put the coat on. After she was done, we both just stood there, staring at the large stone door with the strange crest in it.

"Ready?" I reluctantly asked.

"No."

 _"Sigh_ Neither am I."

Despite our hesitation we trudged on and exited through the great stone door, leaving the little house in the ruins and the kindly old goat woman behind. Presumably, never to return.

Behind it was an exceptionally long corridor, again made of the same purple brick.

We were silent as we walked farther along, I noticed it started becoming brighter and brighter the further we went down it.

Finally, we reached an exit where beyond it lied a _very familiar_ patch of grass with a _very familiar_ smiling flower poking out of it.

"Clever. Verrryy clever"

All of my sorrow went away in an instant and my protective instincts kicked into overdrive. I reached for my pistol, but before I could blow a hole right through that smiling face of his, he shot right back into the ground.

"You two think you're really smart, don't you?" I heard coming from somewhere else in the room.

"Why don't you come out flowerboy? I got some "friendliness pellets" of my own for you right here."

The flower let out an evil cackle. "You'd like that, wouldn't you? I know you better than you think, Jack Marston."

"What?"

"This world is kill or be killed. I thought you would've already known that long before you dropped down here. Guess you're not as smart as I thought."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

His voice came from an entirely different location this time, slightly further away now.

"Oh, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I know what you are, and I know the things you can do to this world."

"Clearly you don't know me that well at all, I ain't that kind of person. Not anymore."

"You disappoint me Jack. So you spared the life of a single person. Yeah I bet you feel _super_ great."

"Maybe I do. What concern is it of yours?"

"Sure, you didn't kill anybody this time, but what will you do when you meet a relentless killer? You'll just die over and over and over again until you tire of trying."

 _What the fuck is this flower talking about._

"What will you do then? Will you kill out of frustration?" His voice began sounding more demonic.

"Sure, how about I start with you?." I retorted.

"Yes! Give in to your inner desire. Or don't. It doesn't matter to me much, either way I'll still get to have my fun."

Suddenly he popped back out of the patch of grass in front of us, the white center of his face growing into this giant evil grin.

A high-pitched demonic cackle emanated from his lips, and before I could even think of shooting him, his face shrunk back to normal and he disappeared back into the ground.

Afraid that he would come back, I looked at Frisk and just said:

"Run."

We took off, running through a _very familiar_ archway that led us out of the ruins and right into the frigid cold. Leaving the ruins and hopefully that goddamned flower behind us.

* * *

 **A/N:** **Looks like I managed to get this chapter done earlier than expected. Hey, I did say I was gonna have it out in about a month, so I'm technically right, which is the best kind of right.**

 **I had so much fun making this chapter, dramatic shit like this is always my favorite. I hope I didn't ham up the emotional moments too much.**

 **If you've noticed, I've started adding in some music tracks that I think would match the tone of the scene. I've seen a few other authors do this in some form or fashion, so I decided to try it out myself.** **They'll mostly be songs from the UT or RDR soundtracks, or just songs that match the time period. So don't worry, they'll fit.**

 **Also I've probably butchered world history in some form while writing that history book entry. So my apologies to any of you history buffs out there.**

 **I've been thinking, after I'm done with this maybe the next big thing I should do is a Mafia 2 and Undertale crossover fic.**

 **...wait no, that's an awful idea. Forget I said that.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Before we start, I'd like to offer a few tracks as this chapter's recommended listening.**

 **{Everybody's Doing It Now - Titanic Orchestra}**

 **{Comic Cake Walk - Titanic Orchestra}**

 **{Sugar Cane Rag - Scott Joplin}**

 **For whenever there's silliness and tomfoolery afoot, o** **r whenever you'd like. It's your reading experience after all.**

* * *

 _ **Beneath The Mountain**_

 _ **Chapter 4: Snow**_ _ **y Skeletal**_ _ **Shenanigans**_

* * *

Toriel wasn't lying, it was cold.

Scratch that, it was really fucking cold. Cold enough to where it reminded me of being stuck in Colter after that botched robbery fifteen years ago.

As soon as I walked through the door, I was almost blinded by all the snow in front of us.

 _Wait a minute, snow?_

No, my eyes weren't playing tricks on me, indeed there was snow all around us.

It was almost like I was back on that mountaintop again and admittedly I got my hopes up, thinking that maybe Toriel was wrong and that door actually led us to the surface.

Of course, that hope lasted for about five seconds before my eyes adjusted and I realized that this wasn't the case.

 _Guess that thought was a little too optimistic._

Instead of a sky, there was just a tall, rocky ceiling that was studded with some sort of glowing rocks, slightly resembling a night sky.

Although there weren't any clouds, there was still a light snowfall coming down from god-knows-where.

 _Maybe they do have some sort of weather after all_.

I examined our surroundings. To the front of us was a long path flanked by palisades of tall dead-looking trees that just went on and on.

Behind us was a cracked wall that stretched all the way to the ceiling, made out of solid purplish stone with another one of those arches around the heavy stone doors that we'd just went through.

I tried opening them for good measure, but to no avail. They were locked shut.

 _Definitely ain't no turning back now._

A slight gust of wind came through, causing me to shiver. I buttoned up my coat while the kid pulled up the hood on her's.

It was eerily quiet, no ambient sounds, no nothing. Just complete silence.

I didn't like how this forest felt. It felt unnatural, wrong, nothing like any forest I knew. The deafening silence made it much worse.

My father once told me that silence in the forest was a very bad sign, and if I was ever in the woods and it suddenly just became deathly silent, to turn right around and get the hell out.

Of course, this lesson didn't elude me one bit as my desire to just get out grew with each passing second.

"Come on, lets get out of here." I said, not wanting to stick around for any longer.

The kid didn't protest and we cautiously walked forth, the silence being pierced by the crunching of snow which sounded like cannons firing in comparison.

The whole time, I kept getting this feeling that made me shiver, and it wasn't because of the cold.

You know whenever you feel like you're being watched? That cold, prickly sensation when you're almost certain you're not alone?

Amplify that by a hundred, and you'll get how I felt at that moment. What made it worse was the fact that we were walking straight into unknown territory where humans weren't exactly welcome, meaning anyone and everyone could be a potential enemy.

We trudged further down until we came across something lying in the middle of the path.

It was a thick tough-looking branch that must've fallen off one of the trees. Probably could've made a good walking stick.

We stepped over it and continued on when-

 _ **Crack.**_

Both of us froze in our tracks.

I wheeled around, one hand on my sidearm and the other on the kid's shoulder.

Nothing.

The only thing there was that branch we'd just stepped over, which was now broken into several pieces.

I wasn't sure what could've broke that branch like that, but it definitely wasn't the wind. A feeling of dread began to wash over me, and I had no doubt in my mind that we weren't the only ones here.

"I don't think we're alone." I whispered to the kid.

"What should we do?" she whispered back.

"Keep walking. Ain't much else we can do."

There really wasn't. Turning around wasn't an option. Even if Toriel hadn't kindly asked us to not return, those big stone doors made sure that we weren't going back.

"B-but... I'm scared."

"Don't worry, I'm right behind you. Whatever it is, I ain't gonna let it hurt you."

We continued forward, more hesitant and vigilant this time. My eyes kept darting from side to side as I scanned the treeline, trying to see if I could catch a look at whoever or whatever was stalking us.

 _ **Crunch.**_

I heard the sound of a footstep behind us, but this time I didn't stop and I didn't turn around.

"Keep walking." I whispered to her.

My senses were on high alert, and that feeling of being watched was so heavy it could've crushed me to death.

Eventually, I saw something in the distance. It was a small footbridge with some sort of wooden... fence? built across it.

We got to the bridge and right before we could start crossing it, _**Crunch... Crunch... Crunch...**_

The sound of someone walking through the snow behind us could clearly be heard.

Both of us froze.

Whatever was stalking us finally decided to show itself. It got closer and closer until it was right behind me.

 **" n."** The thing said, slow and deliberately.

I drew my sidearm but kept it hidden beneath my coat.

 **"Don't you know how to greet a new pal?"**

I don't know if it was just toying with me or what.

 **"Turn around and shake my hand."**

I complied and slowly turned around, one hand outstretched and the other on my 1911. I grabbed it's hand and-

 _ **Flbbbbrrrrrrt**_

 _...What the fuck._

I don't know what I was expecting, but a fart noise definitely wasn't it.

The kid burst out laughing while a disapproving scowl crept across my face, even though my tension was slightly eased.

I finally got a good look at our mysterious new friend. It was... a skeleton.

That's right, a human skeleton. Well, he looked like one at least. He was half my height and wearing a giant blue coat with a pink pair of what looked like bedroom slippers on his feet.

I wasn't sure on the implications behind a human skeleton in the underground, especially one who looked nothing like any skeleton I've ever seen. But I was long past the point of questioning anything, and was right at the stage of just accepting whatever the hell I saw.

"heh... the old whoopee cushion in the hand trick. it's _always_ funny." He said without even moving his mouth.

My scowl didn't move an inch though.

"hey c'mon, lighten up buddy! say, you're humans right?"

I wasn't sure if I should've told him the truth or not, but considering that the first thing he said to us was "human", I guess he must've already known.

"Sure."

"ayy, that's hilarious. i'm sans. sans the skeleton."

"I'm Frisk." The kid said, introducing herself.

"Lancelot Milton" I replied sarcastically.

"pleased to meet ya kid. you too lancey." he replied, giving me a wink. "you know, funny thing, i'm actually supposed on watch for humans right now-"

I tensed up again, thinking that we'd run into a guard or some sort of sentry.

"...buuuut i'm too lazy to worry about the whole human hunting shtick. now my brother on the other hand, he's a human hunting fanatic."

 _Oh that's just wonderful._

"hey, actually, i think that's him over there. i have an idea, go right through this gate thingy."

I didn't know what this guy was up, but I decided to go along with whatever he was doing anyway. I don't know why, but something deep inside me told me that this guy wasn't to be fucked with, and the last thing I wanted to do was accidentally piss him off.

"This is supposed to be a gate?" I replied, surprised.

"yeah, my bro made it. he ain't the best at building stuff."

"I can tell."

The three of us went over the bridge and through the alleged gate where we ended up in a large clearing with some sort of wooden sentry post and an oddly-shaped electric lamp right next to it.

"here he comes. quick kid, behind that conveniently-shaped lamp. "

She walked over and stood behind the lamp which sure enough, fit her exact shape.

 _Conveniently shaped huh?_

"as for you, lancey... uhhh... get behind that guard stand over there."

I obliged, going over and diving behind the stand, knocking over a few bottles of ketchup, mustard, and relish in the process.

 _The hell are these doing he-_

SAAAAAAAANS!"

 _...Oh my fucking god._ It took all I had to not bust out laughing at whatever the hell that was.

I poked my head up a little to get a good look at whatever poor son of a bitch was cursed with that voice.

It was another skeleton. _And that must be his brother_ I figured. He was tall, about my height, and was decked out in some sort of costume that I couldn't even begin to describe.

"sup, bro?" the short one said nonchalantly.

"YOU KNOW WHATS "SUP BRO"! IT HAS BEEN EIGHT DAYS AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T RECALIBRATED. YOUR. PUZZLES!"

Jesus, if there was a world record for most annoying voice, he'd win a gold medal. I wasn't sure what he was screaming about, but he sounded pretty pissed about it.

"whoops, sorry bro. i knew i forgot to do something."

"OF COURSE YOU "FORGOT", YOU ALWAYS "FORGET" TO DO ANYTHING THAT'S EVEN REMOTELY WORK RELATED!"

"hey paps, why don't you come check out this lamp? it's pretty cool."

That immediately put me on edge. I don't know what this skeleton was up to, but I found my hand migrating back to my sidearm yet again.

Luckily, instead of taking his advice, his brother just started stomping angrily. "NO! NO! NO! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR ANY OF YOUR FOOLISH SHENANIGANS! WHAT IF A HUMAN COMES THROUGH HERE? I'LL BE DISTRACTED! I HAVE TO BE READY! I WANT TO BE THE ONE WHO WILL CAPTURE A HUMAN!"

 _Yeah, keep dreaming champ._

He took this heroic looking pose, acting like he came straight out of a storybook.

"THEN I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL GET ALL THE THINGS I DESERVE!"

He went on this long, self-indulgent tirade about becoming a hero and getting friends or something, I mostly tuned it out.

"here, maybe this lamp will help you." sans said, still nonchalantly.

"ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE! YOU AREN'T HELPING AT ALL YOU LAZYBONES! ALL YOU DO IS JUST SIT AROUND AND BOONDOGGLE! YOU GET LAZIER WITH EACH PASSING DAY!"

Seeing this skeleton shout at his brother like that was honestly pretty entertaining. It's the kind of stuff you'd probably have to pay money to see back on the surface.

"hey, take it easy. i've gotten a _ton_ of work done today, a skele- _ton_ if you will." he turned and winked at us.

 _Oh my fucking god._ I've heard better jokes in the Blackwater Ledger's funnies section. The kid must've liked it though, because I heard her trying to stifle a laugh.

"SANS!"

"aw come on paps, you're smiling."

"I AM AND I HATE IT! _SIGH_ WHY DOES SOMEONE AS GREAT AS ME HAVE TO PUT UP WITH A LAZY BROTHER SUCH AS YOURSELF?" he loudly lamented.

"wow, your brother sounds like a real _bone_ head." He turned towards us again, giving a shrugging motion like he was the star of some bad comedy routine.

I couldn't help myself this time, I let out a very audible groan in response to the very awful pun.

"UGH! SEE SANS? EVEN THAT SENTRY STATION OVER THERE CAN'T STAND YOUR HORRIBLE SENSE OF HUMOR! NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE PUZZLES TO ATTEND TO. AS FOR YOUR WORK, PUT A LITTLE MORE "BACKBONE" INTO IT. NYEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!

He ran off, shortly returning to deliver one last "HEH!" before running off for good.

 _What in the name of god did I just witness?_

"alright, you two can come out now."

Both of us got up from our respective hiding spots and walked back towards the path.

"so, whaddya think?"

"He's pretty cool!" the kid said.

I thought over my words for a second. "He sure is... something."

"glad ya like him. say, hate to bother, but can you do me a favor?"

"Maybe. What do you want?" I replied warily.

"right, so i've been thinking... my brother, he's been kinda down lately. never seen a human before and i think seeing you two just might make his day."

"Hold up now. You trying to get us killed?" I said, sounding suspicious.

"hey don't worry about it, paps is harmless. he couldn't harm a fly even if he tried."

I thought about it for a minute. We were in unknown and dangerous territory and one of the things we needed most were allies. If we helped this guy and his brother out, they could potentially help us get out of here. Of course, this was granted that we weren't being lied to, but I didn't really have much in terms of alternative choices.

"Sure, we'll help you."

"really? thanks a million. i'll be up ahead."

He walked away, leaving us alone.

"Sooo... Lancelot Milton?" Frisk suddenly asked.

"Oh, yeah. It's an old alias of mine."

"Alias?"

"It's... a long story. I'll tell you later"

"Oh... Say, Jack?"

"Yes?"

"Could you promise me something?"

 _Not another_ _promise_ I silently complained. Still, I couldn't say no to the kid.

"Sure, what is it?"

"Could you promise me you won't kill anyone while we're down here?"

" _Sigh_ Alright kid." I said, slightly annoyed.

"Thank you. Look, I'm sorry if I sound like I'm making you out to be some kind of killer, I know that's not what you are. I know that all you're trying to do is protect me. I just... I don't anyone to get hurt."

I patted her on the head reassuringly. "It's fine, kid. To tell you the truth, I don't want to kill anyone either."

I really didn't. Monsters or not, I had no quarrel with them and wasn't interested in sending any of them to an early grave. The problem was that one hypothetical situation where we'd run into someone who wasn't all that keen with sorting things out peacefully. But I decided not to bring that up.

 _Fuck it, I'll cross that bridge when we get there._

"That's good then. We're both on the same page."

We began going forward down the path until we reached a clearing surrounded by shorter evergreen trees that actually had noticeable foliage on them.

In the middle of the clearing I noticed a sign and a strange object. On closer examination, the object in question turned out to be some sort of box.

 **This is a box** the sign read.

 _You don't say._

 **You can put items inside or take them out. The same box will appear later, so don't worry about coming back. Sincerely, a box lover.**

"That'll come in handy." the kid said.

"Yeah, if the sign ain't lying."

I opened it up to see if anything was inside, only finding an old leather glove.

 _Looks like somebody's missing a glove._

"You want this, kid?"

She nodded and I tossed the thing to her.

She put it on and dropped a stick into the box.

"Lets test it on this old stick. I don't really need it anymore anyways."

I closed the box and we took this path north, ending up at a river too wide and too deep to cross. There wasn't much of interest aside from a fishing rod that was stuck in the ground with it's line in the water.

Curious, I reeled it in and oddly enough, there was something stuck on the hook, but it wasn't a fish.

It was a photograph of some ugly-looking monster with **Here's my number, call me!** written on it.

 _Yeah, that ain't happening pal._ I reeled the line back out. _Here, maybe some fish will give you a call._

We were fixing to head back to the main road, when some weird-looking monster fluttered forth and got in our way.

The best way I can describe him is a cross between a snowflake and a chicken. I know it sounds weird, but trust me on this.

 ***SNOWDRAKE ATK 6 DEF 2**

 ***This teen comedian fights to keep a captive audience**

 _Great. Another comedian._

"Ice puns are "snow" problem!" He spouted out like he'd just told the joke of the century.

 _Wonderful. We've graduated from bone puns to ice puns._ _Can my day get any better?_

Frisk started laughing at his poor excuse for a joke though. I figured she knew what she was doing because I copied her and gave the best fake laughter I could muster.

Fortunately it was convincing enough for him.

"See!? Laughter! Dad was wrong!"

He fluttered away, a satisfied look on his face.

"Well. That worked."

We headed back to the clearing and began walking down the main road. During our walk, I kept going over how we'd play along with that skeleton's brother's antics when I got this idea. It was a ridiculous idea, but it'd liven things up a little. Make this whole thing a little more fun.

"Hey kid, I've got an idea."

"An idea?"

"You know how Paper, or whatever his name is, acts like he does?"

"Yeah?"

"Well I've been thinking... What if I were to imitate it? Act as some larger-than-life character of my own? You know, when we run into him."

She laughed at the idea. "Now, why would you want to do that?"

I honestly wasn't sure why. Maybe I just wanted to act a little more lively. Maybe the insanity of the underground finally got to me and I'd lost my mind. Maybe both.

I just shrugged. "I guess If I'm gonna play along with that little charade of his, I might as well have fun while doing it."

"That sounds like a great idea!"

"You just want me to act like an idiot don't you?" I said, grinning.

"Maaaybe." She said, giving me a mischievous grin of her own.

"Well, come along then. Let's introduce them to..." I cleared my throat and mustered up the stupidest-sounding voice I could think of. "Lancelot the almighty and his trusty squire!"

The best way I could describe the sound of this voice was if you took a stereotypical French accent and a stereotypical British butler's accent, mixed them together, and added in some western twang that managed to bleed through. The end result was one of the most ridiculous voices I've ever heard, probably even rivaling Papyrus's.

Once that voice escaped my lips, Frisk immediately buckled over and began laughing uncontrollably. It took a minute for her fit of laughter to subside and by then, her face was red as a beet.

"Oh my god...That... That voice..."

"Think it'll work?"

"Oh I _know_ it'll work."

"Well, best not keep them waiting."

We walked further down the path until we got to a clearing where the pair of boneheads were waiting.

"SO, LIKE I WAS SAYING ABOUT UNDYNE."

I cleared my throat, getting their attention. As soon as they saw me, they both started turning toward eachother repeatedly until they were... spinning like tops. Eventually they stopped, their backs turned toward us.

"SANS! IS THAT A HUMAN?!"

"uhhh... actually, i think that's a rock."

"Oh."

"hey, what's in front of the rock?"

"HMM... OH! PARDON ME, STRANGERS, BUT WOULD THE BOTH OF YOU HAPPEN TO BE... HUMANS?!"

 _Showtime._

I quickly readied myself and answered his question in my "Lancelot voice" as I started calling it.

"Yes, indeed we are! However, I am no ordinary human... For I am the almighty LANCELOT! The most powerful human to ever walk the underground!"

I heard the kid try to stifle her laughter.

"And I am Merlin! His slightly less-powerful, but just as dangerous, squire!" the kid said, joining my little escapade with a ridiculous voice of her own.

"Yes! Now out of our way you weak, puny monsters!" I finished. "Stand aside or face our wrath!"

A look of pure excitement and joy came across his face.

"OH MY GOD SANS, I HAVE FINALLY DONE IT! UNDYNE WILL... IM GONNA... I'LL BE SO..."

He turned his attention back to us and assumed his heroic pose again.

" _AHEM_ HUMANS! YOU SHALL DO NO SUCH THING, FOR I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM GOING TO STOP YOU! I WILL CAPTURE YOU AND YOU WILL BE PROMPTLY DELIVERED TO THE CAPITAL! THEN... THEN! I'm not entirely sure what will happen next... BUT THAT MATTERS NOT! IN ANY CASE, PROCEED, BUT ONLY IF YOU DARE!

"Monster! You are brave, but foolish! Very well, I accept your challenge! I'm sure it shall be... quite amusing!" I heroically replied.

"OH BELIEVE ME, IT WILL! FOR ME THAT IS, BECAUSE I CAN ASSURE THAT IT WILL NOT BE VERY AMUSING FOR YOU! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!"

He ran off, leaving us three alone.

"hey, you two put on quite a show." Sans complimented.

"It was his idea." the kid said, pointing at me.

"Guilty as charged." I admitted.

"hey keep it up, paps seems to love it. i haven't seen him this overjoyed since that time he accidentally thought the mailman was a human."

I chuckled, imagining that situation as he walked off, going in Papyrus's direction.

"Merlin?" I asked my partner-in-crime.

"Yeah. I thought it would fit me because, y'know, Merlin is a wizard... I'm a psychic."

"Can't argue with that."

We headed forward, coming across a very shoddily-constructed stand of some sort with a sign attached to it. I poked it and it almost collapsed in on itself.

 _It's just a cardboard box._

I took a look at the sign that was on the front.

 **YOU OBSERVE THE WELL-CRAFTED SENTRY STATION. WHO COULD HAVE BUILT THIS YOU PONDER. I BET IT WAS THAT VERY FAMOUS ROYAL GUARDSMAN! (NOTE: NOT YET A VERY FAMOUS ROYAL GUARDSMAN.)**

 _Well constructed... Good one._

We continued on, shortly coming across a much better-constructed guard stand and a sign preceding it.

 **Absolutely NO MOVING!**

Naturally, we ignored the sign and went by when suddenly something poked it's head out of the stand.

It was a normal looking black and white dog. Only difference was that it was standing on it's hind legs, had a dog treat hanging out of it's mouth, and had a very... interesting choice in fashion.

"Did something move?" he said. "Or was it my imagination? I can only see moving things."

 _And this must be a guard_ I figured. Why a seemingly half-blind mutt was a guard in the first place was beyond me.

"If something WAS moving, for example, a human. I'll make sure it never moves again."

He jumped out and unsheathed two large knives.

 ***DOGGO ATK 6 DEF 1**

 ***Easily excited by movement. Hobbies include: squirrels.**

"Don't move an inch!" the dog shouted.

I actually took that warning to heart and stood still. The kid seemed to have the same idea because she didn't make a move either.

The dog sent a couple of blue-colored knife attacks toward us, but instead of hitting us they just went right through, doing no harm.

 _Now that's interesting._

"Now it's my turn." I said.

"Hey! Where did that voice come from!"

I unclipped my lasso from it's holder and began swinging it around.

"MOVING!" the dog yelped as I threw the lasso on him, wrapping around his legs. I gave the rope a swift tug and pulled his feet out from under him causing him to fall on his back, his knives flying to the side.

"Something got me! Something moving! It couldn't have NOT moved!"

I went over and began hogtying him. "Sorry about this, Fido. But we can't have you getting in our way." After I was finished, I picked him up and tossed him back in the guard post, hearing him mutter something about "needing dog treats".

I put my lasso back in it's pouch and went back over to the kid.

"So are we just going to leave him there?" she asked.

"He'll be fine. I made the knot loose enough for him to get out on his own, but tight enough buy us plenty of time."

"Alright then." she said, slightly worried.

We walked further down the path, passing a couple of burnt dog treats. Soon, the path led to a frozen pond with our lazy skeleton friend standing by it.

"heya. i almost forgot, i got something important to tell you."

I said nothing, prompting him to continue.

"right so, my brother's got this special attack, calls it his "blue attack". basically if you see a blue attack, don't move and it won't hurt you."

 _Like that blind mongrel back there._ I thought.

"think of it as a stop sign. when you see one you stop, right?"

I nodded, despite having no clue what a stop sign was.

"stop signs are red, so imagine it as like a blue stop sign. simple right?"

"Sure." I replied.

"alright. remember that next time you're in a fight."

We walked forward, though when I stepped onto the frozen pond, I ended up slipping and falling on my ass.

"Ow, son of a..." I muttered furiously.

The kid giggled at my slip up. "Careful now, butterboots."

"Yeah, very funny." I replied, slightly irritated.

I got to my feet and managed to control myself on the ice better. I even did a little impromptu ice skating and got over to a sign that was in the middle of the frozen pond on a piece of dry land.

 **North: Ice.**

 **South: Ice.**

 **West: Ice.**

 **East: Snowdin Town (and ice).**

"Snowdin huh?" I observed. "Well I can see where it got it's name from."

"Not the most creative name but I guess it works." Frisk stated. "Think it's worth checking out?"

"Judging by the sign, I think it's the only thing around here that's even worth checking out." I said matter-of-factly.

"East then."

"You got it."

We went east, but we didn't have to go far before running into the other dynamic duo once again.

 _Already?_ I silently bemoaned. But I couldn't show any signs of discontent. After all, I had to get back into character.

Luckily, Papyrus was too busy yelling at his brother to notice us at first, giving us plenty of time to prepare.

"YOU ARE SO LAZY, SANS! YOU WERE NAPPING ALL NIGHT!"

"i think that's called sleeping."

"EXCUSES, EXCUSES!"

Finally, he noticed the both of us standing there.

"OH HO-HO! THE HUMANS ARRIVE!"

"Well, well, well! If it isn't the doltish hero and his slacker sidekick!" I said, again in my "Lancelot Voice".

"I HOPE YOU'RE READY FOR PUZZLES! BECAUSE MY BROTHER AND I HAVE CREATED QUITE A FEW PUZZLES, SUCH AS THIS ONE, TO STOP YOU! I BELIEVE YOU'LL FIND THIS ONE QUITE "SHOCKING"!"

 _Was that supposed to be a joke?_

"THIS IS THE INVISIBLE ELECTRICITY MAZE! WHEN YOU TOUCH THE WALLS OF THIS MAZE, THIS ORB I AM HOLDING WILL ADMINISTER A HEARTY ZAP! SOUND LIKE FUN?! I DOUBT IT, AS THE AMOUNT OF FUN YOU'LL BE HAVING WILL BE QUITE MINUSCULE! YOU MAY PROCEED WHEN READY!"

The kid and I looked at eachother and back at Papyrus, who was waiting expectantly. I shrugged and took a step onto the maze, which led to Papyrus getting a good jolt of electricity.

"SANS! WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU DO TO THE PUZZLE?!" he yelled, sounding absolutely livid.

"i think the humans have to hold the orb first."

"WHAT?! I only have one orb... BLAST IT!" he threw it at the ground angrily, breaking it into smithereens.

"Looks like your puzzle has failed you, brave monster! How foolish!" I taunted.

He turned to us again, a heroic expression on his face. "DON'T GET COCKY HUMAN! FOR YOU SEE, THAT WAS ONE MEASLY PUZZLE OVER THE DOZENS I'VE IN STORE FOR YOU! AND I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT THE NEXT ONE WILL NOT BE EASY! IT WAS DESIGNED BY MY OWN BROTHER AFTER ALL! YOU WILL SURELY BE CONFOUNDED! I KNOW I AM! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!

He ran off again, presumably to the next puzzle, and we went over the "maze" and met up with 'ol Sansy.

"hey, you're doing good. thanks again, my brother looks like he's having the time of his life."

"Anytime partner."

"No problem!" Frisk replied.

"by the way, did you notice that weird outfit he's wearing?"

"Yeah. How could we not?" I said.

"we made that a few weeks ago for a costume party, hasn't worn anything else since. keeps calling it his "battle body". man, ain't my brother the coolest?"

"He is!" the kid said.

"Yep." I replied. Admittedly I wasn't fully lying. I guess those two boneheads were starting to grow on me.

We got back on the path and continued. This time we were on some sort of plateau, connected by a small footbridge. However there was someone else there. He was this tall, blue, rabbit-looking monster standing beside a cart who looked pretty disappointed.

"I don't understand why these aren't selling." he bemoaned. "It's the perfect weather for something cold..."

He noticed us walking towards him and perked right up.

"Oh! Customers!"

Frisk waved at him and I just tipped my hat and gave him a "howdy".

"Hi there! Would you like some nice cream?"

"Nice cream?" I replied, confused.

"Yeah! It's the frozen treat that warms your heart! Now just 15G!"

"Frozen?" I asked, dumbfounded. I looked at all the snow and ice that was all around us.

 _This is the wrong place to be selling ice cream, friend. Or "nice cream" in your case._

But I didn't have the heart to refuse his offer. _What the hell_ "Sure, I'll take a couple."

"Wonderful!" he said excitedly. I gave him the proper coinage, and he presented me with a couple of cones. "Here you go! Have a super-duper day!

"Thanks." I gave the kid the other, and tried one for myself. Aside from it being freezing cold, it wasn't half bad. Tasted like normal strawberry ice cream.

We crossed the footbridge and the kid started kicking a snowball around while I stood around and finished my cone.

I kinda just took everything in. Snowdin was actually a pretty relaxing place. Beautiful, peaceful, and quiet. It'd be perfect if it weren't so damn cold.

Right when I was finishing up my cone, I noticed a label stuck on the side, and ripped it off.

 **Is this as sweet as you?** it read.

I glanced back at the nice cream guy, who just smiled and gave me a thumbs up. I returned the gesture, hoping that note wasn't him trying to flirt with me.

Right at that moment, Sans walked up from out of nowhere I presume.

"y'know, i've been thinking about getting into the treat business myself. how about some fried snow? it's only 5G."

I decided to play along with his charade. "Sure."

"did i say 5G? i meant 50G."

"I'll take it."

"really? how about 5000G?"

I knew I had nowhere close to that amount, but decided to keep going.

"Yep."

"50,000G. that's my final offer."

"Alright, I'll come clean. Ain't got that kind of money."

"you don't? hey, that's okay. i don't have the snow either."

I almost wanted to comment on the fact that there was snow all around us, but I decided to save my breath.

I went over to check on the kid and watched her kick the snowball into a hole at the end of the course.

 _Guess that's their version of golf._

A red flag and a sign rose up along with a bag full of coins.

 **Red - Bravery. Justice. Integrity. Kindness. Perseverance. Patience. Using these, you were able to win.**

 _Well ain't that something?_

Right when I finished reading the sign, something cold and wet hit me in the back of the neck.

"Hey, what the-" I wheeled around only to find Frisk with a mischievous grin on her face. I felt my neck and realized that she'd thrown a snowball at me.

I just shook my head at her, trying my best to look disappointed and annoyed. But really, I was smiling on the inside.

"Oh. Sorry Jack... I didn't mean to..."

I turned around and covertly scraped some snow from a nearby tree. "No. I'm sorry..."

"For what?" she asked concernedly.

"For this!"

I turned around quickly and pelted her with a snowball of my own.

"Hey! No fair!" she laughed in protest.

"You gonna do somethin' about it, little missy?" I replied playfully.

Both of us began scooping up handfuls of snow and started throwing snowballs at eachother,

Man, I hadn't had a snowball war in ages. I almost felt like a kid again.

It lasted for a good while, the both of us just laughing in pure enjoyment. By the time it was over, the both of us were absolutely giddy and completely dusted in snow.

"Well. That was fun." I said, brushing the snow off my coat.

"Yeah! We should do that again!"

"I guess. Depends if we run into that pair of boneheads again."

"Aw, don't be like that Jack. I know you like them."

"Yeah... Maybe... Come on, let's get going." I said, not wanting to admit it.

We took off down the path nearest to us where speak of the devil, the aforementioned silly skeletons were right there.

"AH, GREETINGS HUMANS!"

"The great Papyrus... We meet again." I said, trying to make my silly accent sound a bit more dramatic.

I could tell that I'd made him happier by calling him that. "I HOPE YOU'RE READY FOR... Wait a minute... SAAANS! WHERE IN THE BLAZES IS THE PUZZLE!"

"it's right there. on the ground. trust me, there's no way they can get past this one."

The both of us stepped forward. I spotted a piece of paper and a pencil lying on the ground and picked them up.

 _Oh, for fuck's sake._

It was one of those word search puzzles like you'd find in the newspaper. _I never liked these damn things._

Regardless, I did the puzzle anyway. And by that, I mean I circled a few of the obvious ones before I gave up and circled a few random columns before putting it down.

"Done."

"WHAT!? SANS! THAT DIDN'T DO A THING!

"whoops. i knew i should've used today's crossword puzzle."

"WHAT!? CROSSWORD?! I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT I AM HEARING! In my opinion, Junior Jumble is easily the hardest of the two."

"what, really dude? that easy-peasy word scramble? that stuff's for baby bones."

"Unbelievable. HUMANS?! SETTLE THIS DISPUTE!"

"Well, even though it was, of course, no match for my superior intellect, I must admit, Junior Jumble is possibly the most difficult puzzle I've ever come across. Certainly harder than some elementary-grade crossword puzzle." I said, adding a little self indulgence to my already ridiculous act.

"I agree with you, Sir Lancelot! Junior Jumble is obviously the hardest." the kid added in.

"HAHA! YES INDEED! YOU HUMANS MUST BE QUITE INTELLIGENT IF YOU FIND JUNIOR JUMBLE TO BE RATHER DIFFICULT AS WELL! NYEH HEH HEH!

I decided to not comment on the irony of that statement and watched as he ran off further down the road.

"hey, thanks for saying junior jumble just to appease my brother. yesterday he got stumped trying to "solve" the horoscope."

I'll admit, thinking about that situation playing out managed to get a good chuckle out of me.

We walked some more until we reached another clearing with couple of tables on it.

 _What do we have here?_

There was a note laying on the ground, and I picked it up.

 **DEAR HUMANS! PLEASE ENJOY THIS SPAGHETTI THAT I HAVE EVER SO GRACIOUSLY PROVIDED! (LITTLE DO YOU KNOW THIS SPAGHETTI IS ACTUALLY A TRAP DESIGNED TO ENTICE YOU! YOU'LL BE SO BUSY EATING IT THAT YOU WON'T REALIZE THAT YOU AREN'T PROGRESSING. THOROUGHLY JAPED AGAIN BY THE GREAT PAPYRUS!)**

 _Holy shit, spaghetti._ I hadn't had that since the time I was staying at Angelo Bronte's mansion back when I was four. I remember it being absolutely delicious. Hell, I still fondly remember my stay there. It was my first taste of what a proper life was like.

I tried picking up the fork, but the damn thing was frozen to the table, the plate was stuck to it as well. I poked the spaghetti for good measure, but it was hard as a rock.

"I think it's frozen." the kid observed.

 _Well, no shit._ I thought, disappointed. I looked to the strange little doohickey on a separate table.

"Micro-wave?" I said aloud. I didn't know what the fuck that was, but I guessed it was for heating up food, further evidenced by the buttons on the side which all said "spaghetti". Must've needed electricity though, because it didn't work and there obviously wasn't an electrical socket anywhere.

 _Well goddamn it._

There wasn't much else I could do with the spaghetti, so we trudged down the road, coming to another clearing with another sign greeting us.

 **Warning: Dog marriage.**

I wasn't sure what to make of the cryptic warning, so I just ignored it.

Around this time, we ran into another guard, or should I say, guard dog.

 _Jesus. What's with this royal guard force and dogs?_

It actually looked like a normal dog, minus the fact that it was wearing plate armor and carrying a sword and shield.

 ***LESSER DOG - ATK 7 DEF 0**

 ***Wields a stone dogger made from pomer-granite.**

 _These fucking puns, man._

It's attacks weren't all that hard to dodge luckily, and the kid managed to defeat it herself by petting it a bunch of times, each time causing it's neck to elongate for some reason that I don't even want the explanation for.

After getting past the weird dog, we ran into a row of spikes.

 _Hello old friend. How I've missed you._

"Hmm." the kid mused. "There must be a switch hidden somewhere."

 _No, forget that._ I thought, not feeling like looking around for another damn switch, so I just picked up the kid and stepped over the row.

"That works too." she said.

We crossed another footbridge and landed on another plateau, where suddenly, I noticed a couple of figures approaching us.

They were both dressed in these hooded black suits and holding long battleaxes. I would've mistaken them for a pair of grim reapers if it weren't for the long snouts that identified them as, you guessed it, dogs.

 _Sniff sniff_ "What's that smell?" ("Where's that smell?")

"If you're a smell... Identify yoursmellf!" they both yelled in unison.

 _You've got to be fucking kidding me._

They began aimlessly running around in an almost comedic fashion until they ended up right beside us.

"Hmm... Here's that weird smell... It makes me want to eliminate. (Eliminate... YOU!)"

In a swift motion, they both pulled down their hoods, but I was ready for them. I grabbed both of them by the back of the head and cracked their heads together, knocking them both out cold.

They both collapsed on the ground, and my companion looked at me, shocked.

"Jack! What did I tell you!?"

"What? You told me not to kill them, and I didn't. Just knocked them out for a little while."

She relaxed a little at this.

" _Sigh_ What are you, some kind of lawyer?" she said jokingly.

I chuckled. "In another life, maybe."

"Well, please try to use a less violent method next time."

I shrugged. "I'll try."

I got a good look at the pair of dogs I'd just knocked out. It was a man and a woman dog, both of them had an illustration of the other's face with a cute little heart above it on their cloaks, and they were each wearing a wedding ring on their finger... paws... whatever. Didn't take a detective to figure out they were married.

 _So that's what that sign meant. C_ _ute._

"So, what should we do with them?" the kid asked.

"Just leave them here. They'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Let sleeping dogs lie, Frisk. Besides, They should wake up in a few minutes anyway, didn't hit them too hard."

"Alright then."

We went down the path the two lovebirds (or lovedogs) had come from, finding another puzzle, another row of spikes, and Papyrus, standing behind them.

The puzzle wasn't at all hard, had to step on a couple of X's on the ground and turn them into O's, which was considerably easy with two of us simultaneously working on it. In no time, we solved it and brought the spikes down, which alerted Papyrus.

"WHAT?! HOW DID YOU AVOID MY TRAP?! And more importantly, IS THERE ANY LEFT FOR ME?!"

"As tempting as your dish was, great hero, it was not enough to beguile Lancelot the Almighty!" I said, getting back into character. "In fact, we left the entire plate intact!"

"REALLY?! YOU WERE ABLE TO RESIST THE TANTALIZING FLAVOR OF MY HOMECOOKED PASTA, ONLY SO YOU COULD SHARE IT WITH ME!?"

 _Sure. Let's go with that._

"FRET NOT HUMANS! FOR I, MASTER CHEF PAPYRUS, WILL MAKE ALL THE PASTA YOU COULD EVER DESIRE! HEH HEH HEH NYEH!"

He ran off again, and we followed. Running into him again not even a minute later.

"HUMANS! I... UH... I forgot the way to the next puzzle. ANYWAYS, MIND IF I WALK WITH YOU FOR A LITTLE WHILE?!"

"That you may, brave one!" Frisk replied in her "Merlin" voice.

"Merlin is correct. You may join us, hero!"

"OH BOY, OH BOY!"

Papyrus walked alongside us, getting pretty chatty. He even spoke out of character the whole way there. His normal voice was still a bit odd, but much more tolerable than his "great papyrus" impression.

"So my brother started a sock collection recently."

"A sock collection?" I replied, out of character as well, but Papyrus didn't seem to notice.

"Yes, a sock collection of all things." He shook his head. "Pitiful isn't it? Sometimes I wonder what ever he would do without such a cool guy taking care of him."

"I don't know, man. Good thing he has you."

I actually meant it this time. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I was actually kind of starting to like him and his brother.

"Yes, indeed."

We arrived at the next puzzle, which was another one of those X's and O's problems.

"WAIT! Hmm... How should I say this... YOU WERE TAKING AN AWFUL LONG TIME TO ARRIVE, SO I DECIDED TO IMPROVE THIS PUZZLE BY ARRANGING THE SNOW TO RESEMBLE MY FACE! UNFORTUNATELY THE SNOW FROZE TO THE GROUND, AND AS A RESULT, THE SOLUTION IS NOW DIFFERENT. AND AS PER USUAL, MY DEADBEAT BROTHER IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND! BUT WORRY NOT, DEAR HUMANS! FOR I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL SOLVE THIS CONUNDRUM, THEN THE THREE OF US MAY PROCEED! IN THE MEANTIME, FEEL FREE TO TRY IT OUT FOR YOURSELF!

I shrugged and examined the puzzle, noting that it barely resembled some type of face.

Right before I was about to try it out, I felt something tug my coat.

"Psst. Jack." the kid whispered.

"Yes?"

"There's a lever in that tree over there."

"And?"

"I think it might help with this puzzle. I'm gonna go pull it, when I do, could you step on that pressure plate over there?"

"Sure."

 _Kid's good at noticing stuff._ I thought. _That sixth sense or whatever she calls it must be doing her good._

I watched her walk over to a pine tree and reach her hand in. After hearing a clicking sound, I put a foot on the plate, causing all the X's in the puzzle to revert into O's.

"YOU SOLVED IT? FANTASTIC!" the skeleton remarked. "And without my help as well... I'M IMPRESSED! YOU BOTH MUST LOVE PUZZLES AS MUCH AS I DO. IN THAT CASE, I'M SURE YOU'LL LOVE THE NEXT ONE! It might even be too easy for you..."

He walked off "nyeh heh hehing" again.

We went after him again, running into his buffoonish brother along the way.

"hey, good job on solving that puzzle so quickly. didn't even need my help. which is great, 'cause i love doing absolutely nothing."

"Anytime, uncle." I said sarcastically.

"Yeah. It was "snow" problem!" the kid said.

 _Frisk, I swear to fucking god..._

"ayy. you're getting the hang of it kid."

I started walking forward before either of them told any more godawful puns, momentarily stopping so my compadre could catch up.

"Hey Jack. Why'd you call him 'uncle' just then?" she asked.

"Oh. Well, he reminds me of a man I knew years ago called that. Used to ride with us back in the day, before we settled down."

"Was he your uncle?"

I laughed. "God I hope not. I don't think he was really anybody's uncle, that's just what everybody called him. I don't think anybody knew what his real name was... or if he had one."

"Wow. What was he like? At least, what made him similar to Sans?"

"Well... He was lazy for starters. I remember my Uncle Arthur calling him his third favorite parasite, after ringworm and plague rats."

She laughed at the statement.

"Yeah, he hated doing work. Always blamed it on "the lumbago" and said that it kept him from doing anything, lumbago this lumbago that."

"Lumbago? Is that even a real thing?"

"Hell if I know, kid. But if you'd ask him, he'd find at least twenty different ways to tell you how real and deadly it supposedly is. At least Sans is honest with his laziness. Doesn't try to blame it on some medical condition that may or may not exist."

"Well why'd you guys keep him around?"

"For entertainment I guess, god was he entertaining. The camp jester if you will. Made it somewhat worthwhile to put up with his antics. _Somewhat_."

"Sounds like quite the character."

"Believe me, he was."

"Hey, speaking of Sans, you know all of those skeleton puns he was telling?"

I cringed for a second at the memory of his awful puns. "Yeah. What about 'em?"

"Well, I found this open journal in mo- Toriel's room that was full of jokes like that."

"Really now? That's... odd."

"Think it's a coincidence, or... something else?"

I just shrugged in response. "Couldn't tell you, kid."

Though I did remember him heading toward the ruins when he left us after we first met him. Probably wasn't anything, but it still raised a few questions.

The path ended at a short footbridge, where our favorite boneheaded bozos were waiting for us.

"THERE YOU ARE, HUMANS! I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT YOU WILL LOVE THIS ONE! AFTER ALL, IT WAS DESIGNED BY THE GREAT DR. ALPHYS HERSELF!"

 _Dr. Alphys, huh?_ I pondered. _Wonder if we'll run into her._

"NOW, YOU SEE THESE TILES!?" ONCE I ACTIVATE THIS MACHINE, THEY WILL CHANGE COLOR, AND EACH COLOR HAS A DIFFERENT FUNCTION!

He explained the function of the colors to us, which was pretty long and convoluted, but I managed to get a good idea of what each one did.

"UNDERSTAND? GOOD! NOW THERE'S ONE LAST THING I MUST TELL YOU! THIS PUZZLE IS ENTIRELY RANDOMIZED! SO WHEN I PULL THIS LEVER, IT WILL CREATE A PUZZLE THAT HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE! NOT EVEN I WILL KNOW THE SOLUTION! GET READY..."

He flipped the switch, and various bright colors came to light and flickered around for a while before settling on a puzzle that was a path of pink tiles (passable) flanked by red tiles (not passable).

 _What are the odds..._

Papyrus ran off without a word, and we crossed the path, running into our comedian friend.

"so lancey. i noticed you tried to eat that spaghetti from earlier."

"Yeah, I guess I was hungry. Still am actually."

"believe me, you should be glad you didn't. my brother ain't exactly the best cook, which is why i eat out all the time."

"Really? What a shame."

"hey, on the bright side, that spaghetti wasn't actually that bad for his cooking. started taking cooking lessons recently, and he's been improving a lot. if he keeps it up, he might even make something that's actually edible."

 _Don't eat papyrus's cooking. I'll keep that in mind._

The path led to a clearing with another sentry post and a bunch of failed attempts at making a snowman, or snowdog in this case.

They all looked exactly like that weird mutt we'd ran into earlier, the one with the elongated neck. It was this elongated neck that caused the heads to fall off all of them.

There was even a cow-looking monster that described the scene of the weird dog trying to build snow sculptures of itself and how it continually failed to do so.

 _Wish I could've seen that._ I thought, imagining the poor mutt trying to build the ill-fated snowdogs.

The path led to another X and O puzzle that was positioned around some ice. Took some impromptu ice skating and a few tries, but we managed to solve it easily enough.

The road led us through a thick length of woods and we ended up coming out with piles of snow on our heads. For some reason, the pile on the kid's head looked exactly like a dog.

 _Again, what is it with this place and generally weird shit?_

Almost right away, we ran into another monster. It looked like a fucked-up deer with a bunch of stuff wrapped around it's antlers and it seemed none too happy with it's predicament.

 ***GYFTROT ATK 7 DEF 3**

 ***Some teens "decorated" it as a prank.**

"Please, get this junk off of me!" it pleaded.

 _Fuck it. Time to do my good deed for the day._

I reached over and pulled a photograph off of it's forehead.

"That's better..." it said, a hint relief it it's voice.

The kid and I took turns removing it's "decorations" until none remained.

"A weight has been lifted, thank you." it said, now sounding fully relieved.

I was fixing to move on, when Frisk gave it some kind of gift. She even wrapped it with some wrapping paper we'd pulled off of it's antlers.

"Aw, you shouldn't have!" it replied.

We bode it farewell and went on our way.

I took a look at the photograph I'd pulled off it's forehead. It was of what appeared to be a younger version of that Snowdrake monster from earlier, happily posing alongside who I guessed were his parents. I slid it inside my journal for safekeeping, in case we ran into him again.

 _Maybe he'll want it back._

The next area had a bunch of piles of snow in it, and a single doghouse.

I looked at the doghouse while the kid started examining the piles of snow for some odd reason.

"It's a snow poff." she said.

 _Why thank you captain obvious._

"And this... is a snow poff." she said again, examining the next.

She started doing that for literally every pile of snow that was there.

Not wanting to hear any more of it, I went ahead to the exit when something popped out of one of the "snow poffs" that flanked the path.

 _Wait a minute. Is that a tail?_

Sure enough, almost as to answer my question, a fluffy little white dog's head popped out of the pile and it's tail started wagging.

 _"Bark bark!"_ It's barks sounding more like squeaks.

"Hey there little guy." I said, beckoning it over.

In response it got up out of the pile, revealing that it was wearing a giant set of medieval-looking armor.

"...big guy."

 **FIGHT INITIATED**

 ***GREATER DOG ATK 6 DEF 4**

 ***It's so excited that it thinks fighting is just play.**

 _Let's play then._

"Hey boy, c'mere!"

He dropped to all fours bounded over towards me.

"Oh f-" was all I got out before he knocked me on my back and started repeatedly licking my face.

"Hey! Hey now! Easy, boy!" I started petting him.

 ***Greater Dog curls up in your lap as you pet it. It gets so comfortable that it falls asleep... Zzzzz... Then it wakes up! It's so excited!**

 _Looks like my experience with Rufus is finally paying off._

"Yeah, you're a good boy ain't you?" I got to my feet and ripped a dead branch off of a nearby tree and held it up, the dog eyeing it expectantly.

I tossed it to the other side of the plateau. "Go on, git it boy!"

He bounded over to where it landed, but it landed in a deep snowdrift and he couldn't seem to find it, so instead he uprooted an entire tree and brought it back to me.

 _What the fuck._

 ***Now the dog is very tired... It rests its head on you...**

"That's a good boy!" I praised, petting him once again.

 ***As you pet the dog, it sinks its entire weight into you... Your movements slow. But, you still haven't pet enough...!**

"You like getting pet don't you?" I said, petting him once again.

 ***You pet decisively. Pet capacity reaches 100 percent. The dog flops over with its legs hanging in the air.**

 ***Greater Dog is contented.**

The dog jumped out of his armor and licked my hand a couple of times before jumping back in and stomping off.

 _Did that just fucking happen?_ I wondered, finally snapping out of it.

Of course, the uprooted cedar tree in front of me confirmed that it indeed did happen.

By this time the kid showed up, holding a few coins.

"Hey, I found 30G inside that sn- whoa." she said, noticing the tree. "What'd I miss?"

I don't know how the hell she didn't notice a gargantuan armored dog running all over the place, but I decided not to ask.

"Nothing much. Just played around with some weird dog."

She shrugged it off and we continued walking, ending up at this long wooden rope bridge.

 _Whoa..._ I thought as I saw the view from where we were.

We were on the top of a mountain, probably the tallest in Snowdin, and I could see everything. Just miles upon miles of thick, untouched, snowy forestland that stretched as far as the eye could see.

 _Jesus, this place is massive. Must be the biggest cave on earth._

I could even see the entrance to the ruins from here, which looked very far away, making me wonder how far we actually walked.

Of course, I couldn't let a moment like this go to waste. I took out my journal and sketched the the snow-dusted forestland below, labeling it "quiet forest".

We began crossing the bridge while I took in the absolute peace and silence of the place, until suddenly-

"HUMANS!"

 _Well, it was good while it lasted._

Our two favorite boneheads were standing at the end of the bridge.

"PREPARE TO FACE YOUR FINAL AND MOST DANGEROUS CHALLENGE YET! BEHOLD! THE GAUNTLET OF DEADLY TERROR!"

A bunch of deadly-looking doohickeys, along with a hanging dog ( _again with the fucking dogs_ ), emerged.

"ON MY MARK, THE PUZZLE WILL FULLY ACTIVATE! CANNONS WILL FIRE, SPIKES WILL SWING, FIRES WILL BURN, AND THAT DOG WILL... DO SOMETHING VERY BAD I ASSURE YOU! EACH COMPONENT WILL VIOLENTLY SWING UP AND DOWN, MAKING YOUR CHANCES OF VICTORY VERY SLIM! ARE YOU READY? BECAUSE I AM NOW GOING TO ACTIVATE THE PUZZLE!"

Nothing happened.

"ANY MINUTE NOW!"

Again, nothing happened.

"What seems to be the matter, brave warrior? Certainly your gauntlet hasn't failed you now, has it?" I smugly taunted.

"THIS HAS IN NO WAY FAILED! IT SIMPLY HASN'T ACTIVATED YET! I SHALL ACTUALLY ACTIVATE IT... NOW!

...Need I say it again?

"that doesn't look very activated." sans said.

"WELL! IT APPEARS THAT THIS CHALLENGE IS DEFECTIVE! BECAUSE OF THIS, I REFUSE TO USE IT! AS I AM A SKELETON WITH STANDARDS! MY PUZZLES ARE VERY FAIR, AND MY TRAPS ARE EXPERTLY COOKED! BESIDES, THIS METHOD IS TOO DIRECT, TOO BRASH, TOO BARBARIC! NO CLASS AT ALL! AWAY WITH YOU!"

As if on cue, the various objects retracted.

"Well, well, well! It appears that your methods of stopping us have failed yet again!" my companion taunted.

"HOW CONCEITED OF YOU, HUMAN! CLEARLY, THIS WAS YET ANOTHER DECISIVE VICTORY FOR ME, THE GREAT PAPYRUS! NYEH! HEH! ...heh?"

Like clockwork, he ran off again.

We finished crossing the bridge, where sans had a word for us.

"welp. i don't know what my brother's going to do now, but if i were you, i'd make sure i understood blue attacks."

"Thanks for the advice." I answered.

"anytime. well, see you two later, there's naps that need taking."

We went up the road which took us up a small hill. During our walk up, I began seeing lights in the distance. Soon enough, the lights materialized into a town with the end of the cavern right behind it.

"That must be Snowdin Town." the kid observed.

"Ain't no way it's not." I said, looking around. "Seems to be the only speck of civilization out here."

"Still want to go?" she asked.

"Of course. Besides, it might be our only way out of here."

"Well, lets get going!" she said, a good amount of excitement in her voice.

Together, we headed towards the cozy little town in the distance, curious as to see what a place like this had to offer a couple of out-of-towners such as ourselves.

 _Hopefully we can find us some grub as well._ I thought hungrily.

* * *

 **A/N: So here we are, the end of Chapter 4.**

 **This chapter was meant to be a bit more silly and lighthearted than usual. In preparation for some of the more dramatic and serious stuff that's down the road.**

 **I'm trying to put my recommended listening before the story starts now, as I think the way I did it last chapter might interrupt the flow of the story. Which is something I cannot have.**

 **Honestly other than that, I really don't have much else to say other than I hope you enjoy this chapter. Been trying to improve my writing as of recently, so I hope that's working out well.**


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